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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Achilles Heeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Brwnsknsam05
    ASL Info:    32/F/ Cuba
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 399/440/103
    Words: 363
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 866
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2151



    Description:
       Take a guess...I can't tell u all the answers....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAchilles Heeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I stepped over my bounds
    Let my lyrics
    Ring bells
    Like penitenry cells
    Sealed with cement blocks
    With holding my words
    In this place I call jail

    I over stepped my bounds
    And fell into passion so strong
    It was unjustified for so long
    With held my lyrics
    Had them stuck in my throat
    My sad song

    But heaven graced my doors
    Smiled at me
    And I named her "Mona Lisa"
    In my dreams she comes to me
    Strokes all my spots and leaves me haunted

    "Mona Lisa"
    Is my achilles heel
    My soft spot...my weakness
    Though...she is imagination
    She is my tortue

    And I'm stuck here in this concrete jungle
    Yearning for her to grace my pressence in flesh
    Touch and taste me
    Like never before

    I over stepped my bounds
    And fell into passion so strong
    It was unjustified for so long
    With held my lyrics
    Had them stuck in my thro at
    My sad song


    Push me through sanity
    And up the bridge of insane
    Make my knees buckle
    And my heart inflame

    "OOOO, Mona Lisa"
    Come baby
    Scream my name
    Moan it out in a long refrain

    As I sit tormented in this cell
    Haunted by your voice
    One that's locked in a vault
    Behind steel walls
    Crashing into my brain
    Like waves

    Just the thought of you puts me in this state
    My imagination is running wild
    Come and console me
    Before I overflow
    "Mona Lisa"

    I stepped over my bounds
    Let my lyrics
    Ring bells
    Like penitenry cells
    Sealed with cement blocks
    With holding my words
    In this place I call jail

    I wish you were flesh...
    So, I could release myself
    From this agony
    "Mona Lisa"
    Come please me




    Submitted on 2006-08-29 12:57:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I stepped over my bounds
    Let my lyrics
    Ring bells
    Like penitenry cells (did you mean penitentiary?)
    Sealed with cement blocks
    With holding my words
    In this place I call jail

    This was good! I liked the way that you decided to rhythmatically display this one. It all flowed very very well. Almost as though it had a waterfall affect. You really took the reader into this longing for the love emotion.

    I don't see anything other then what I listed above that needs any kind of critiquing. You really did do an oustanding job! I applaud you!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-08-29 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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