[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Cloud and love and winddots

    Author: bobbydlt1989
    Elite Ratio:    0.19 - 0/2/2
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 622
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 564

       is about the wind and cloud and love and mouth

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Cloud and love and winddots

    I see a cloud
    When I see a cloud
    I feel Like I was flying in the air
    I feel the breeze flowing though my hair

    I see a cloud
    when I see a cloud
    I see a sun is hidden by a cloud
    I feel like I was looking for something

    I feel the wind
    when I feel the wind
    I feel like I was floting in the air
    like superman

    your eye make my heart
    to heat up of love
    your hair is like a butterfly flying away in the air
    your mouth make me smile.

    Submitted on 2006-08-29 16:15:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think it was good up until you mentioned her eyes. Because so far, it was clouds and wind. Remember those preschool things they used to give you that were "one-of-these-is-not-like-the-others"? That's kind of what happened with your poem. The eyes don't fit. Now maybe if you changed it to "I see the moon" or something and it reminded you of her, then it could work.
    | Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by Aurora-Borealis | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
    New users can only get up to two comments without commenting.