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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lonely Childdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Valle_Siddious
    ASL Info:    24/Male/Dystopia
    Elite Ratio:    2.51 - 93/94/41
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 818
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 943



    Description:
       One of my very first.
    Hope you like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLonely Childdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lonely child, without a fear.
    Blindly walking down the road.
    Connecting pain with silent tears,
    his heart is aching, dark and cold.
    People point and wisper,
    rumors spread with dread around
    his head.
    A deadly smile is what he wears,
    walking on without a care.
    Lonely child without a friend,
    coming round the dark roads bend.
    Clutching tight upon his heart,
    It has been broken, clean apart.
    This one, he, he used to love.
    She wore his heart just like a glove.
    But now he has the appitite,
    To rome the brisk, dark, deadly night.
    Lonely child without a care.
    Running down a deadly road.
    Thinking that his lifes unfair,
    He breaks the rules and makes his own.
    He acts as though he doesn't care,
    buts bleeding deep inside.
    Hiding all emotions from the world,
    until he dies.




    Submitted on 2006-08-29 17:56:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like this alottt..i can relate to it. i love the title especially this part:

    Lonely child, without a fear.
    Blindly walking down the road.
    Connecting pain with silent tears,
    his heart is aching, dark and cold.
    People point and wisper,
    rumors spread with dread around
    his head.
    A deadly smile is what he wears,
    walking on without a care.
    Lonely child without a friend,
    coming round the dark roads bend.

    you should correct your spelling

    wisper=whisper
    appitite=appetite

    buts bleeding deep inside. you should also correct that

    and i think you should kinda change the last two lines and make it flow better and end better

    He acts as though he doesn't care,
    but bleeding is unknown deep inside.
    Hiding all emotions from the world,
    He endures one last kill
    For no more lonesome, (or forlorn)
    arrives at the crossroad where torment dies

    this sounds better to me...

    anyways overall beautiful poem but could've been better to a point where it'd be my favorite!



    | Posted on 2006-11-15 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      Fresh and definitely entertaining.

    I really liked the concept of a lonely child, but oddly I never really connected anything until you mentioned the fact that he was friendless.

    And then I liked it more. I think it kind of just died in the ending. This is a good piece and it deserves something dramatic enough to be remembered.

    Nice write.
    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTheGun | [ Reply to This ]
      kool poem...i kinda can relate...Keep it up<3 m3g4n
    | Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by 2xhatedxsoulx2 | [ Reply to This ]


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