I can't appreciate things in the moment.
Later, after the event has completed itself, I look back at it and laugh.
I think 'how lucky am I?'
Why can't I have these thoughts as the actions occur?
I feel like everything that I do has to be filtered through something in me.
When I see beautiful scenery, it's not as meaningful to me as when I see the same picture in a text book.
How incredibly stupid is this characteristic?
Most people love to see things first hand.
They like beauty to be tangible, right in front of them. Screaming at them, whispering to them.
Maybe I'm scared of the emotions that it will bring up?
Maybe I don't want to get too attached? So I keep myself at a distance?
It feels as if I have to see everything and all things through a TV screen.