I thought it all flowed together very nicely. You ryhmed the words together perfectly for the most part. It was the second to last part however that threw me off a little. The rest of the poem had a nice flow but it just seemed to be cut short in the lines: "I feel lost in this cruel world Many more trouble stilll left unfirled" Maybe you could add another line in there somewhere to kind of make it go with the rhythm? Overall, it's a very nice piece. keep writing!
I like the format, for the most part. You randomly switch from AABA to ABCB a few times, which I suppose it ok if that's what you mean to do. You tried rhymed out with out, which isn't ideal for an otherwise smooth rhyme scheme. The fourth stanza doesn't make a lot of sense to me. "across all the ground" doesn't really fit in with the reat of the poem, and it seems like you just used it for the sake of rhyming. "trying to collect all the unfound" 1. how do you collect the unfound? 2. unfound what?
Overall, it's expressive and pretty clear, flows well and easy to follow. There are a few things you could work on, but it's a pretty good poem.
Submission Name: Shallow pool
