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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: SO TIREDdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: carolspencer707
    ASL Info:    26/F/SANTA ROSA
    Elite Ratio:    1.96 - 5/12/34
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 681
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 719



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSO TIREDdots
    -------------------------------------------


    HOW CAN YOU NOT REALIZE,
    ALL THE PAIN I'VE GOT INSIDE?

    HOW DO YOU NOT SEE,
    ALL THE HURT THAT LIVES IN ME?

    HAVE I GOT THAT GOOD AT CONCEALING,
    THE REAL EMOTIONS THAT I'VE BEEN FEELING?

    FOREVER HOLDING MY PAIN CLOSED IN,
    SILENTLY BATTLING THE DEMONS WITHIN.

    MY MIND IS SO TIRED AND MY BODY SO SORE,
    I CAN'T KEEP ON FIGHTING THIS WAR.

    BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP
    THIS CYCLE I'M IN,
    CAUSE EACHTIME I THINK I'M DONE IT
    STARTS UP AGAIN.


    WRITTEN BY: CAROL SPENCER




    Submitted on 2006-08-30 23:16:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Alright....this poem flowed very well. There is just one problem.
    In this line:
    "MY MIND IS SO TIRED AND MY BODY SO SORE,

    I CAN'T KEEP ON FIGHTING THIS WAR."

    It almost seems as if there could be a word put in the last line. Cuz the rest of it flowed great, but this one seemed a little out of place.
    Otherwise, I liked this one very much.

    Keep writing.
    -Strator
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Strator | [ Reply to This ]
      Alright....this poem flowed very well. There is just one problem.
    In this line:
    "MY MIND IS SO TIRED AND MY BODY SO SORE,

    I CAN'T KEEP ON FIGHTING THIS WAR."

    It almost seems as if there could be a word put in the last line. Cuz the rest of it flowed great, but this one seemed a little out of place.
    Otherwise, I liked this one very much.

    Keep writing.
    -Strator
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Strator | [ Reply to This ]
      Alright....this poem flowed very well. There is just one problem.
    In this line:
    "MY MIND IS SO TIRED AND MY BODY SO SORE,

    I CAN'T KEEP ON FIGHTING THIS WAR."

    It almost seems as if there could be a word put in the last line. Cuz the rest of it flowed great, but this one seemed a little out of place.
    Otherwise, I liked this one very much.

    Keep writing.
    -Strator
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Strator | [ Reply to This ]
      Alright....this poem flowed very well. There is just one problem.
    In this line:
    "MY MIND IS SO TIRED AND MY BODY SO SORE,

    I CAN'T KEEP ON FIGHTING THIS WAR."

    It almost seems as if there could be a word put in the last line. Cuz the rest of it flowed great, but this one seemed a little out of place.
    Otherwise, I liked this one very much.

    Keep writing.
    -Strator
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Strator | [ Reply to This ]
      Alright....this poem flowed very well. There is just one problem.
    In this line:
    "MY MIND IS SO TIRED AND MY BODY SO SORE,

    I CAN'T KEEP ON FIGHTING THIS WAR."

    It almost seems as if there could be a word put in the last line. Cuz the rest of it flowed great, but this one seemed a little out of place.
    Otherwise, I liked this one very much.

    Keep writing.
    -Strator
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Strator | [ Reply to This ]
      Yea, I loved the flow too. But I think Strator is right. You should probably add something in
    "I can't keep on fighting this war"
    It just sounds like there's a slight pause. The rest is fine though.

    Anyways, this poem sounds like you've got a long battle ahead of you. So many people feel like nobody can hear them. That nobody cares. I hate that feeling so much. But you do have somebody that cares, everybody does, they just don't realize it.
    It feels so much better to tell somebody close, but some feel like it's better to talk to somebody they don't even know. Because than, they won't tell anybody.

    I hope you win this battle,
    ~*~ Lisa ~*~
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Nani | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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