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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: DON'T FALL BEHINDdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bigrig0625
    ASL Info:    34 M Tx
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 40/73/19
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 743
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 751



    Description:
       I know what it's like to be at the end. I've been there many times. Like the old saying "I'm willing to start at the bottom, and I'm willing to stay at the bottom"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDON'T FALL BEHINDdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Don't fall behind
    Or others will pass
    You'll never catch up
    And fall on your ass

    Don't fall behind
    You'll be huffing and puffing
    You may find you've spent
    Your efforts for nothing

    Don't fall behind
    It's a horrible place
    No one will cheer
    It's such a disgrace

    Don't fall behind
    Give all that you've got
    To stay in the front
    A much better spot

    Don't fall behind
    Or soon you will see
    You'll be left at the end
    With no one but me





    ~bigrig0625~








    Submitted on 2006-08-31 00:53:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm really starting to like your poetry, good flow and rhymes, your being stalked :)
    Keep writing, Dean
    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by Survivor_Dean | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. It had a nice flow and rythm(sp?). Just a couple suggestions the I think will make it sound better.
    1 stanza:
    "Don't fall behind
    Or others will pass
    You'll never catch up
    And fall on your ass"
    Good opening. for the last line, maybe substitute And for Just so that it would read:
    'Just fall on your ass'
    I personally think that sounds better.

    Other than that I don't have any suggestions other than maybe some punctuation. Other than that, I think your poetry has put you in front. Its awesome and your awesome. Good job and keep writing.
    ~Caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      I find it easy to read. Get the point that you are encouraging others not to fall behind, but the last two lines made me realize something. I take that you have fell behind, and maybe someone else might end up with you. In a way, isn't that's not such bad a thing? ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by whchong | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool write, I enjoyed this well written piece, there are alot of times when I feel like I have fallen behind in life, another good poem keep up the good writing :)

    Dean
    | Posted on 2006-09-02 00:00:00 | by Survivor_Dean | [ Reply to This ]
      nice works its me vintage we talked yestarday in the chat bryan88 well nice flow reminds me of my childhood but im above that now and u got hot work keep it up
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by bryan88 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love reading all your pieces! It's so fun to read and I like it short. It always has a nice flow and it and it's really easy to get. Lol cuz most of the time it takes me 2 or 3 times to read a piece over because I'm just really wierd. But I only read your pieces over and over because I love them!
    I think you're saying don't fall behind because it really sucks. But you could always get up and try again or else we're probably going to get stuck with you. But it isn't so bad because there are a lot of people that falls behind...most likely me. But we could always help each other catch up. Lol, that probably didn't even make sense but whatever.

    Keep on writing,
    ~*~ Lisa ~*~
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Nani | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW, this is good stuff, you make the flow seem......natural to you.
    well, i feel as if i'm left WAY behind at times, i can relate to this. we all feel it at sumtime.
    the third and last stanza were my fave, i really can't say a bad thing about this.
    how do u feel about bein stalked???
    very nice piece,
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]


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