I liked this. It had a nice flow and rythm(sp?). Just a couple suggestions the I think will make it sound better. 1 stanza: "Don't fall behind Or others will pass You'll never catch up And fall on your ass" Good opening. for the last line, maybe substitute And for Just so that it would read: 'Just fall on your ass' I personally think that sounds better.
Other than that I don't have any suggestions other than maybe some punctuation. Other than that, I think your poetry has put you in front. Its awesome and your awesome. Good job and keep writing. ~Caotic~
I find it easy to read. Get the point that you are encouraging others not to fall behind, but the last two lines made me realize something. I take that you have fell behind, and maybe someone else might end up with you. In a way, isn't that's not such bad a thing? ^_^
I love reading all your pieces! It's so fun to read and I like it short. It always has a nice flow and it and it's really easy to get. Lol cuz most of the time it takes me 2 or 3 times to read a piece over because I'm just really wierd. But I only read your pieces over and over because I love them! I think you're saying don't fall behind because it really sucks. But you could always get up and try again or else we're probably going to get stuck with you. But it isn't so bad because there are a lot of people that falls behind...most likely me. But we could always help each other catch up. Lol, that probably didn't even make sense but whatever.
WOW, this is good stuff, you make the flow seem......natural to you. well, i feel as if i'm left WAY behind at times, i can relate to this. we all feel it at sumtime. the third and last stanza were my fave, i really can't say a bad thing about this. how do u feel about bein stalked??? very nice piece, whirl**