Very well written, and the subject is very original. I agree with you about the last verse. It needs to fit in more with the beat. Also, the second last verse is disjointed (the last line) - it does not fit the rhythmn.
Having said that, your rhyme is very impressive in the main.
Some of the verses could fit in a little better with the well.. its kind of a beat you have going on. The form is very original and ive never read a poem quite like this. It talks about fairy tales and then the true reality is black. I like it. nice write