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    dots Submission Name: I don't believedots

    Author: The Conqueror
    ASL Info:    21/female/Missouri
    Elite Ratio:    3.48 - 178/204/42
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 832
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 782

       I am aware that this is one of my worst poems ever and that the last stanza fails to flow with the rest of the carefully ordered syllables, but.............

    Don't we all wish for the gullible innocence which was once our constant companion?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI don't believedots

    I don't believe in fairy tales
    how much I wish I could
    to pretend that things are beautiful
    and evil lost to good

    I don't believe in fairy tales
    or a prince that comes to save me
    from a desperate, hurt, and lonely life
    for a castle by the sea

    I don't believe in fairy tales
    -things happening by will
    they say love triumphs over all
    but in reality it kills

    I can't believe in fairy tales
    or get lost inside a dream
    I can't lose myself inside my mind
    or smother in a sunbeam

    If I lose cold reality
    I could never make it back
    'cause fairy tales are beautiful
    and reality is black

    Submitted on 2006-08-31 15:59:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      How have you come to these depths that you would surrender to such dispair? You said in a post that you love going to church and still you write with such sadness. I'm confused.
    | Posted on 2006-09-03 00:00:00 | by The Wise Fool | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well written, and the subject is very original. I agree with you about the last verse. It needs to fit in more with the beat. Also, the second last verse is disjointed (the last line) - it does not fit the rhythmn.

    Having said that, your rhyme is very impressive in the main.

    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Some of the verses could fit in a little better with the well.. its kind of a beat you have going on. The form is very original and ive never read a poem quite like this. It talks about fairy tales and then the true reality is black. I like it. nice write
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Starry Eyes | [ Reply to This ]

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