Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Riverdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Priestess
    ASL Info:    21/female/usa
    Elite Ratio:    2.22 - 49/118/51
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 868
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 561



    Description:
       Death


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Riverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The water looks so carefree as it sways through the river. So swift the rocks must be, to catch a ride on it to the ocean. The breeze blows through my hair; no distractions, no responsibilities. In this moment I am like the river. Free and wild. Its unexplainable how God's creations change me. I close my eyes and listen; to the trees, to the wind, to the river. I look up and there he is, my angel. He has come to take me home, I smile as he takes my hand. No more worries, no more sorrows. I am with one destination, like the river, I am going home.




    Submitted on 2006-08-31 20:13:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really like this. very nice descriptions of the river.
    but i think it would have a more fluent flow to it if u spaced it out more, instead of having it all in one paragraph like this.
    i would try it like this -

    The water looks so carefree as it sways through the river.
    So swift the rocks must be, to catch a ride on it to the ocean.
    The breeze blows through my hair; no distractions, no responsibilities.
    In this moment I am like the river.
    Free and wild.
    Its unexplainable how God's creations change me.
    I close my eyes and listen;
    to the trees, to the wind, to the river.
    I look up and there he is, my angel.
    He has come to take me home,
    I smile as he takes my hand.
    No more worries, no more sorrows.
    I am with one destination, like the river,
    I am going home.

    it's only a suggestion. but i feel it flows better.
    beautiful write tho,
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-09-01 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    116511

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Summer written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Push written by JanePlane
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry