Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Riverdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Priestess
    ASL Info:    21/female/usa
    Elite Ratio:    2.22 - 49/118/51
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 936
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 561



    Description:
       Death


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Riverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The water looks so carefree as it sways through the river. So swift the rocks must be, to catch a ride on it to the ocean. The breeze blows through my hair; no distractions, no responsibilities. In this moment I am like the river. Free and wild. Its unexplainable how God's creations change me. I close my eyes and listen; to the trees, to the wind, to the river. I look up and there he is, my angel. He has come to take me home, I smile as he takes my hand. No more worries, no more sorrows. I am with one destination, like the river, I am going home.




    Submitted on 2006-08-31 20:13:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really like this. very nice descriptions of the river.
    but i think it would have a more fluent flow to it if u spaced it out more, instead of having it all in one paragraph like this.
    i would try it like this -

    The water looks so carefree as it sways through the river.
    So swift the rocks must be, to catch a ride on it to the ocean.
    The breeze blows through my hair; no distractions, no responsibilities.
    In this moment I am like the river.
    Free and wild.
    Its unexplainable how God's creations change me.
    I close my eyes and listen;
    to the trees, to the wind, to the river.
    I look up and there he is, my angel.
    He has come to take me home,
    I smile as he takes my hand.
    No more worries, no more sorrows.
    I am with one destination, like the river,
    I am going home.

    it's only a suggestion. but i feel it flows better.
    beautiful write tho,
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-09-01 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    116511

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Stretto written by saartha
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Instances written by hyproglo
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    This written by Chelebel
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry