Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Riverdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Priestess
    ASL Info:    21/female/usa
    Elite Ratio:    2.22 - 49/118/51
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 816
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 561



    Description:
       Death


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Riverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The water looks so carefree as it sways through the river. So swift the rocks must be, to catch a ride on it to the ocean. The breeze blows through my hair; no distractions, no responsibilities. In this moment I am like the river. Free and wild. Its unexplainable how God's creations change me. I close my eyes and listen; to the trees, to the wind, to the river. I look up and there he is, my angel. He has come to take me home, I smile as he takes my hand. No more worries, no more sorrows. I am with one destination, like the river, I am going home.




    Submitted on 2006-08-31 20:13:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really like this. very nice descriptions of the river.
    but i think it would have a more fluent flow to it if u spaced it out more, instead of having it all in one paragraph like this.
    i would try it like this -

    The water looks so carefree as it sways through the river.
    So swift the rocks must be, to catch a ride on it to the ocean.
    The breeze blows through my hair; no distractions, no responsibilities.
    In this moment I am like the river.
    Free and wild.
    Its unexplainable how God's creations change me.
    I close my eyes and listen;
    to the trees, to the wind, to the river.
    I look up and there he is, my angel.
    He has come to take me home,
    I smile as he takes my hand.
    No more worries, no more sorrows.
    I am with one destination, like the river,
    I am going home.

    it's only a suggestion. but i feel it flows better.
    beautiful write tho,
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-09-01 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    116511

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Live In Between written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry