Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Imprisoned In A Fairytale


Author: Liv2LoveThePain
ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527 /1515 /256
Words: 128
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1481
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 887



Description:




Imprisoned In A Fairytale



Don't let go again.
Grab her hand (so tight);
hold it for eternity.
Leave me to the night.

Even if you're not with me,
I want to see you smile.
My heart must break
for yours to heal,
and that would be worthwhile.

The colors in these eyes
aren't quite my style,
but they would give up everything,
even cold denial.


Now as I walk away,
hair hangs in my face,
mimicking a long, black veil.
This heartbeat knows it's place.

Imprisoned in a fairytale
created for the dead,
I'll still look back
remembering
that I have made this bed.

Forget that I am here,
you need her now instead.
I want to hear you laugh again,
no matter what I've said.




Submitted on 2006-09-01 02:24:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  im not the kind of girl who crys. but this got to me the line "my heart must break, for yours to heal " it got to me, i said that so many times in the past when all you want is the one you love to be okay because you know that you wont be *sigh*. "the color in these eyes, isn't quite my style" love that line ..reminds me of the way i word things. :)
| Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. Lots of emotion. It was great! I'm not really sure if it is how you meant it, but it struck me as story of infidelity. But maybe I'm just crazy. Anyways, it was a really awesome piece, and the structure and rhyming was flawless, as always :) Lovely!

~Mandi Gayle~
| Posted on 2006-10-26 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW! If I didn't already love you, this would make me love you; again, I guess, if that makes sense. This was melancholic beauty renound! No question about it. So fizzled with tainted emotions, loving another to the point that your heart will break, willingly; if only to seem them smile, laugh, or pleasantly cry. This I can understand, immensly. What's harder than writing about it though, is putting your money where your mouth is; money doesn't always taste so good, does it? This actaully kinda remineded me of "SIN CITY" for some reason? As usual, this was great! just Fuckin great!
| Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
  This was yet another amazing write. The incredible emotion that was put in here and reduced dang near all of us to tears. I'm not so sure that I would be so noble as to walk away hoping for someone else's happiness in this way. I'm one of those "I'll make them love me" kinda people, which is absolutely ridiculous. I guess that makes me quite a selfish person. This was a wonderful account of putting someone else's happiness ahead of yours, no matter how painful it is. Amazing....another one for the list!

Candi
| Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
  the emotions behind this poem seem really sad :(
but it's still a really good write.
sorry i haven't been on for... a really long time. liek several months. ;)
the very last stanza i thought was the most touching one. i felt it was about movign on even though you're hurting, and wishign the best to others
the second stanza is also a really good one. the wording is a little tiny bit mroe akward, but the effect is still profound. write on!!!
| Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by LoneWolf | [ Reply to This ]
  awww bless... this is really good nikki :D all your work is. sorry i haven't been commenting lately.. i'm lazy :( but i do really like this.. i can relate.. [censored]ty situation. keep it up,
adios amigo
| Posted on 2006-09-01 00:00:00 | by m with two i_s | [ Reply to This ]
  you. make. me. so. sad.

why, why do u do it!? damn you and your amazing way with words! geez!

"Imprisoned in a fairytale
created for the dead,
I'll still look back
remembering
that I have made this bed."
"B-E-A-utiful" to qoute Bruce Almighty.

"Forget that I am here,
you need her now instead.
I want to hear you laugh again,
no matter what I've said."

he doesn't deserve you anyway. so =P on him.

You're so great. not only are you a talented poet, you're a wonderful person to boot.

"hair hangs in my face,
mimicking a long, black veil."
i love that!... why the hell can't i come up with stuff like this? thats such a perfect simile! damn you're good.

wow, i spent this entire comment complimenting you. i think we need some time apart... i think i'm to attached to your stupendous self.
(i sound like such a stalker!)

your really sleepy homie,
-Kate
| Posted on 2006-09-05 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
  Your poem is very sad but it is also very good... sacrificing yourself for the loved one is a noble act...
Thanks for sharing,
Sad Lion
| Posted on 2006-09-01 00:00:00 | by Sad Lion | [ Reply to This ]
  Ugh, self-sacrifice. For that one person's happiness. You could care less about what pain you're having to endure as long as they are happy.

Thus is human nature. To fall helplessly in love, and then hurt until their significant other is happy, even if it means not being with them.

That's what I gathered out of this piece. Don't know if I'm right or not. But, I always enjoy reading your works!

BCute<3
| Posted on 2006-09-01 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  Tears were about to come out of my eyes. :( It's so hard when you love somebody but than they love someone else. You want to see them smile and laugh, when you are in so much pain.

I guess when they're happy, we also think that we're happy too. You don't want them to go through life without somebody they love...when you love them back.

Keep on writing,
~*~ Lisa ~*~
| Posted on 2006-09-01 00:00:00 | by Nani | [ Reply to This ]
  wow this poem was great.
"Even if you're not with me,
I want to see you smile.
My heart must break
for yours to heal,
and that would be worthwhile."
i love that.
and the line...
"This heartbeat knows it's place."
just makes me want to cry...not many times have i felt this way about someone, but when i did, he really meant something to me.
i think i'll be adding this one to my favorites..very good job.
write on...
</3 lisa
| Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
  ohhhhh. this really made me want to cry. im so sensitive these days and im in tech comm about to break into tears. that would be suspicious. well, i love the whole thing.

"Forget that I am here,
you need her now instead.
I want to hear you laugh again,
no matter what I've said."

i think this was the most powerful stanza to me and it was a great ending. so sad.

....shouldnt i be doing work


anyway, this was spectacular.
| Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



116538