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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: yesterdaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: painfullyme
    ASL Info:    23/F/MA
    Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 335/456/72
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 305
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1214



    Description:
       been thinking a lot about pain and heartache. it seems that sometimes when one gets their heart broken they tend to go out and do it to someone else. i thought of that and wrote this. it took a while for me to even get these words out. it's not something easily phrased into lyrics for me.


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    dotsyesterdaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    yesterday, a not so distant past
    when i always did what i should
    but i got so lost in a world so vast
    that i started to stray from the good

    now the pain pours down in an endless sea
    like a hurricane coming after me
    and the storm ahead makes it hard to see
    while slowly it takes hope away
    leaving behind my yesterday

    life once lost in struggles of the divine
    has wandered away from freedom and peace
    reflections of grace in the devil's eye
    tempted this willing soul with ease

    now the pain poirs down in an endless sea
    like a hurricane coming after me
    and the storm ahead makes it hard to see
    while slowly it takes hope away
    leaving behind my yesterday

    now, trapped in hell by the devil's hand
    a sacrifice of the pure
    i serve up pain by satan's command
    meant for others to endure

    with my pain pouring down in an endless sea
    and the hurricane being led by me
    i'm the storm ahead making it hard to see
    while slowly my hope fades away
    no longer able to reach yesterday
    *




    Submitted on 2004-05-21 08:47:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ah, it's so hard to catch the a-b-a-b rhyme and keep it going so well without sounding nursery school about it. you held the scheme well and each stanza seems to keep to its own little world. love the comparison to storms b/c it's dreadfully oh-so-true.

    i also like how you went 4-5-4-5 on the stanzas; generally people will just make them whatever length and stick them in an order, but you've brought a sense of structure and harmony to a pain-laced lyrical endeavour. definitely like it.
    | Posted on 2004-05-21 00:00:00 | by EmeraldJealousy | [ Reply to This ]
      this goes along with the saying misery loves company. This piece was very sad and moving. That was a great, but tragic progression of digression from being in the storm to becoming the storm to others. Very good write, definately something I'll have to come back to.
    | Posted on 2004-05-21 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]



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