Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dead In My Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Randa04
    ASL Info:    19/Female/NC
    Elite Ratio:    1.64 - 21/63/77
    Words: 217
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 1178
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1238



    Description:
       This is about my father..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDead In My Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    16 years... & all you have to show is the empty bottle in your hand..and the deep scars on your frale body.

    You always said.. I deserved better, But I never understood. I was 3 years old.. and I can still remember..

    The cussing, the screaming.. the beating.. the choking.. the drugs.. and of course.. your excuses.

    You hit her when she didnt say what you wanted. Nearly put her to death when she told you she was leaving.

    I was 4 years old without a clue. Living in a broken home, trying to make it through.

    I was taken away, and I sware you didnt notice. You were always so busy with your addictions.

    Out late on the streets trying to catch a deal.. Always searching for that next big steal.

    You finally got caught and put away... Swared to god you were done for good..

    3 years passed & you were back all the same. Each time you would tell me you loved me and wanted to get better.

    Inside I know.. It's still never going to happen. Your too far in..

    You were never there.. I don't even know you..

    You might as well be dead in my eyes...





    Submitted on 2006-09-01 21:34:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      rough but well put. it's nice that your pressing forward anyway.
    | Posted on 2007-06-27 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      a heartbreaking story. but beautifully wrote.
    this fills me with sadness, i feel the emotions pouring out, the hurt and what i sense is shame. as least, thats how it felt.
    good job,
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-09-02 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      great kinda reminds me of one i wrote you should read it its called my life.....its not just about my father its about my family its kinda long so.....but it remined me so much of my own that i just thought maybe you might take a look so yeah i really love how you portrayed your father in this and told him exactly how you felt good job too bad actually telling him would be way harder
    so good luck and
    Peace
    Star
    *keep it up*
    | Posted on 2006-09-03 00:00:00 | by Star | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    116615

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry