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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Dark Onedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadow_Mirror
    ASL Info:    23/m/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.59 - 54/39/18
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1008
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 366



    Description:
       Well... this is how my mom and family made me fell like once.. I guess I don't feel like that anymore, but words sometimes can 'cut' deeper then any physical matter... Hoped you all enjoy it..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Dark Onedots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Here in the shadowed lands,
    lays a seeminglly harmless denizen,
    but do not tarry or stay to chat,
    for this one is like no other,
    and will quicklly drink your soul,
    till there is nothing left, and you are gone,
    for he lays in the shadowed lands,
    and was once a poor mortal, who had lost his way...."




    Submitted on 2006-09-02 07:11:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      very nice, has a fantasy, mystical kinda feel to it i think. i like it.
    i love the wording in this line -

    'and will quicklly drink your soul,'

    the only thing i will say is that it is very short, yet im not sure if adding to it might distort the point, does that make sense?? maybe betta leave as is.
    anyways, fantastic job,
    lookin forward to your next post!!
    whirl**


    | Posted on 2006-09-02 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      hehe.. thank you Whirl, I always like hearing your comments..
    | Posted on 2006-09-02 00:00:00 | by Shadow_Mirror | [ Reply to This ]
      ha awesome..."he once was a poor mortal who lost his way..." I love the way you ended, it leaves it open to speculattion. Did this person just die, or is this person now forever lost as an immortal. It seems that the second is more reliable because when you say "he once was a mortal"...the words, 'once', 'was', and 'mortal' basically give it all away, but not too revealing at the same time, which is a beautiful way to end a poem. Splendid write. Peace for now...

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-09-02 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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