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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To the Sundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Finnigan
    ASL Info:    16/M/IL
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 87/46/9
    Words: 282
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 351
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2110



    Description:
       Okay, you can see this is a special day since it's Saturday. I made my form a bit anti-poetic. It's a bit like Sandra Cisneros, The House on Mango Street. I guess this is like showing me a sign. Please, I'd like you to to welcome my new type of work. It's something new I'm trying. If it works out great, I want to be like Sandra Cisneros and write a great book about life.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo the Sundots
    -------------------------------------------


    Another Saturday,
    This time it's different,
    I wake up by the sun,
    Such a beautiful thing,
    I just think to myself;


    "That sunshine has always been there for me, makes me feel happy that I live in a world where it shines."


    I smell breakfast,
    Wow,
    What a wonderful smell,
    Makes me think:
    Aren't we poor?

    The sun beats down,
    On my hair-shielded head,
    Yet again;


    "I'm so glad that people care. There's a Mc Griddle, orange juice, and a hashbrown."


    The day goes on,
    The morning ventures to chores,
    I'm in the basement take out the whites,
    I look out the window;


    "Wow, that sun is shining. Bright white socks, bright sunny days, what a match. The dust in the basement dances. How intriging, you say?"


    The laundry must be done,
    Now loading the colors into the dryer,
    Such dark colors,
    But again the sunshine,
    A pretty thing to gaze at.

    Morning turns to afternoon,
    Afternoon turns to evening,
    The sun shines west now,
    Leaving me in it's shadow.

    I turn on the music player,
    Junk, once again,
    Whatever happened to good old hip-hop,
    Just a bunch of money makin',
    And bootie shakin'.

    I pop in the Demon Days,
    Few rounds of DARE,
    Dancing like a white guy,
    Heh, pretty funny to look at;

    I turn to track 15,
    Demon Days,
    So true about the message,
    What a cruel world it is;


    "'Lift yourself up it's a brand new day...Turn yourself to the sun...' This is how I want to start everyday."




    Submitted on 2006-09-02 15:22:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful!!!!!!)))
    Shining, smiling, sunny, positive!)
    | Posted on 2008-06-22 00:00:00 | by maymistery | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks for the fave. I got one of yours in turn. Presently processing and absorbing your poetry. Pleasantly different from what others write. That is most probably a good thing. Laters. CB
    | Posted on 2008-06-22 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
      Whew. Really liked this one, I've never heard of Sandra Cisneros (i did read the house on mango street, but the memories are vague on that one). Being the first work of yours that I read, I'm thinking that I am really going to like your style. I'm so glad that people care. There's a Mc Griddle, orange juice, and a hashbrown."
    This was my favorite part, I found it to be funny and true. (ironically i used to work at mcdonalds, who knows it could have been me handing it to you!) Anyhoo, I thought that this piece was well written and I really don't have anything bad to say about it (which is good AND bad, good b/c it means that this piece is perfect and bad because it means that you wrote something so perfectly which isn't really bad for you, just means that I didn't lol...if that rant made ANY sense at all....). Ok well that's enough for now...Peace and inspiration!

    Duv
    | Posted on 2008-02-22 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]
      give one a new perspective on life
    | Posted on 2007-05-16 00:00:00 | by Lost-Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm diggin' it. I liked the Gorillaz at the end. I wasn't expecting that. I take some of my inspiration from muisc that I listen to (see my write "Eulogy").

    This sort of reminds of a piece by Bradley Hathaway called, "No Worries, I'm Going to..." It's about how monotonous his day is, but in the end it's really good, and he's thankful that he had that day period. You dig?

    But yeah, kudos with this. I liked it. I agree with gargleafg, you should maybe explain more.
    | Posted on 2007-05-10 00:00:00 | by alexanderharm | [ Reply to This ]
      Finn
    This write isnt bad at all
    In fact I do believe this is one of your better writes that I have read
    You really did a good job with this in showing us your readers that Life is what you make of it
    When it is raining out or there is a storm on the horizon just take yourself back to the day when everything came together and it wasnt a chore to live
    EXCELLENT WORK
    Your use of vocabuary in this write to create emotion is excellent
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-03-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this way of writing, and I think that if you really like writing like this, than you should keep on writing it because I know I'll read them!

    Anyways.. I love how it kinda sorta tells a story. It put a smile on my face from the messages it gave me. My favorite,

    "That sunshine has always been there for me, makes me feel happy that I live in a world were it shines."

    I guess I never really thought about how much I cared about the sun. But if it wasn't there, my day would start off pretty crappy.

    Keep on writing,
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2007-03-02 00:00:00 | by Nani | [ Reply to This ]
      thats nice. u should write a book. i liked it . i feel different about the sun now.
    | Posted on 2007-02-15 00:00:00 | by darkness | [ Reply to This ]
      "'I'm so glad that people care. There's a Mc Griddle, orange juice, and a hashbrown.'"

    I particularly like that line. It's so understated, but I totally understand. When I was little I used to live right across the street from a McDonald's and on random days I'd wake up and my mom would have a breakfast happy meal waiting for me. Definitely makes me smile.

    Anyway, yeah, I loved this poem. Probably one of the best I've seen on here. It's simple yet somehow profound in that the speaker takes into account the little things in life that make him/her happy and we often tend to forget about those things or take them for granted. The only thing I might change is that instead of putting:

    "Morning turns to afternoon,
    Afternoon turns to evening,
    The sun shines west now,
    Leaving me in it's shadow."

    you should explain what happened in the day. It would seem more apposite to make some note of what happened in the afternoon and/or evening because of the great detail you went into with the morning. Either way, I really like this poem. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-09-02 00:00:00 | by gargleafg | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, not really what I am used to, but it made a smile on my face. This was a great happy poem, and you managed to write it in a way that didnt seem false or "created", but real, like the emotions behind it are so real to you. This did feel very true and real, and I felt the soul in it. It made my evening ;)

    I am glad people have these days, what would we do without them?

    Good poem,
    keep writing!
    | Posted on 2006-09-02 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]


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