Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: See you.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Orin
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 93/97/43
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1037
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 454



    Description:
       A little angsty soldier poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSee you.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I will see you in Iraq.

    Where the pavement = sand.

    Where the people = enemy.

    Where the bugs = camel spiders.

    Where the crickets = incoming mortars.

    Where the spoon = M4.

    Where the jeans = DCU's.

    Where the days = eternity.

    Where the nights = brief moments.

    Where life = death.

    I will see you in Iraq.




    Submitted on 2006-09-03 13:19:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      That is gorgeous... and sad. You're very creative.
    I usually don't like poems about stuff like this, but you made it different.
    What else can I say?
    I have no constructive criticism.


    Beautifully done
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-10-10 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      sometimes the greatest impact is achieved throuh brevity.

    you got your point across. clearly and succintly. without seeming like you were trying to shove your beliefs down the soul of the audience.

    too often, people think that the more descriptive they are, the better the poem is.

    what they fail to realize is that imagination is the best of all. and you've allowed for it.

    :)

    | Posted on 2006-09-03 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      good write. it has rythem which some people sorely lack including myself sometimes. iraq sounds really bland and tetious. ive been hopeing this whole stupid war thing gets over with too.

    keep on the keeping on.

    ps if thats a picture of you then you're hot (laughs)^_^
    | Posted on 2006-09-03 00:00:00 | by Saphire Twiligh | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem. I don't think I have seen one written like this before... but maybe it's because I just got into poetry.

    Anyways.. You described how a soldier feels in Iraq with barely any words. So.. Im guess you were a soldier? But maybe I'm just wrong.

    You tell people what it's really like. How hard the soldiers have it. Going to places that don't have anything and leaving everything behind...

    Good job on writing this!
    ~*~ Lisa ~*~
    | Posted on 2006-09-03 00:00:00 | by Nani | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    116730

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry