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    dots Submission Name: mourning drivedots

    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 242
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 817
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1155

       this is a repost i didnt get a whole lot of feed back the first time around soo ii posted it again this is a lil new for me this type of work so i really need to know some peoples thoughts on it please be critical i need it

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmourning drivedots

    I let my head fall gently on the steering wheel the remnants of last night still sticky on my legs pressed against my skirt , cars go by and I know ill be here forever , the corner of my eyes finds the rearview and the details of the driver behind me come over me like a wave his eyes are brown I know without knowing his hands a hard ,my hips move slightly at the thought of them .like a dream I am his for now. the hood of my car is hot, burning my thighs a feminine pink, I can smell the sex baking ,his sweat burns my eyes I don't need his name just his forceful stare. I cant remember were my cloths went . I grasp a handful of dark hair and devour his neck he reeks of man no cologne just leather ,salt .I take him in like the ocean welcoming the storm . My head arches to the blinding sky don't move stay I want only for you to fill me a scream parts my dry lips .BEEP BEEP. Reality and a stop sign jerk me from his fire I hit the gas with one last look in the mirror . His arms are in the air and I am sure whatever he is mouthing is profane .. Oh well he drives a bmw anyway not my style I wish I wasn't outta cigarettes though ..

    Submitted on 2006-09-04 15:01:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the title is brilliant, i love wordplay.

    i didn't like the vulgarity, but i did like the format.

    with a little cleaning up punctuation wise it would read like a monologue and i got a mental image while reading it to myself like a movie. that's probably why i didn't like the more explicit stuff, not nice pictures in my head.

    good write though, clean it up and you'll really have something!
    | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ]

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