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    dots Submission Name: True Beautydots

    Author: metallichick786
    ASL Info:    32/F/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 78/85/52
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1123
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 777


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    dotsTrue Beautydots

    She Laid there so silent
    The moon casting a dim ray exposing her
    I sit in darkness across the room
    Slowly I inhale taking in this beauty
    So childlike is her innocence
    I imagine the dreams that dance in her mind
    The worlds she ventures to
    Her only escape
    I move closer
    Close enough to smell her
    Her scent will never escape me
    Her lips of blush
    Her golden curls surround her perfect face
    Her skin of silk so delicate
    So beautiful I hold her
    My heart in complete contentment
    I can barely take in so much love
    I cradle her gently
    Drinking every bit in
    Trying to hold on to time
    I fall into sleep
    To join and dance in her bliss

    Submitted on 2006-09-05 11:04:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Ahh, a love poem with a happy ending. Again, I really like the imagry. This poem really does capture a moment of true beauty. It is like you are not simply describing an experience, but shareing it. In a way this poem is felt rather than read.

    I got the impression that your feelings for the girl in this poem were romantic rather than platonic. I don't have a problem with that, just wanted to make sure because thought it seems clear, often intense intimacy is wrongly associated as being sexual.

    What Is described here doesn't feel sexual. It feels so much more than that...something inherently different in intensity and beauty. This poem struck a cord in that deeply romantic part of me to which i've felt so distant from as of late. I enjoyed reading this a lot.
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by nomad knight | [ Reply to This ]

    I am a bit confused by the 'Her lips' 'Her scent' etc. and then 'I cradle you gently'.

    Are you dealing with two people here or are you talking about the same person? Is one the beautiful scene in your picture exposed by the moon? Are you cradling a lover as you look at the scene?

    If it is one person then I think you would say 'I cradle her gently' because you are talking about her not to her.

    This is realy good and I am glad that I stopped by to see your work. I realy want this to be about one sleeping girl and the passion that one guy has for her as he 'cradles her gently'

    It sort of reminds me of Knox Overstreet longing for the sleeping Ginny Danbury in 'Dead Poets Society'

    As I look at the piece, I am sure that it can be a realy great poem! I have toyed with it a bit, and wish It was one of mine!


    ps: Welcome to Elite, you are certianly the kind of young writer we need here.
    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this one. It has that meaning of being in the arms of a woman or a moment relaxing in the "arms" of a sunset to me.

    No matter what you say about it, it is a soothing and tranquil piece of writing.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-09-05 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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