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    dots Submission Name: Deathdots

    Author: DrewDilla
    ASL Info:    25/M/Chicago
    Elite Ratio:    2.81 - 131/196/51
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 1374
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 711

       this just me explanin some of my thoughts.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Every day I think of death
    Maybe go OD off some Meth
    Iím not sure if u can off that
    So my head I cracked with a bat
    I donít want any painful way out
    So Iíll use a gun but that I doubt
    That it will be a painless way
    Maybe at first Iíll smoke a jay
    And forget about committing suicide
    By taking a very long ride
    To go meet this one girl
    Maybe all I need is a twirl
    To nock these thoughts loose
    And come to a known truce
    That Iím built different
    Like a tank is what I meant
    Cause no bone was broke
    And this is not a joke
    All my damage is mental
    Ya but the hit wasnít gentle

    Submitted on 2006-09-05 12:38:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow, i remember when i wrote like this
    its got a simple word flow, if thats what i'm trying to say, i'm not sure, but i really do like this
    though, a-b form gets a little tiring, you puled this off well =]

    | Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by dark lover | [ Reply to This ]
      This isn't too bad. I felt that the rhymes really constricted you expressing true emotion. But since this overall gave a cold feeling, I felt it matched into the situation and setting of this poem. I must say that this is particularly original; especially your perspective. Well written; but could be improved without any rhymes.

    | Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't think I can really relate to this. Sure, everyone was there downs, but for me I have way more ups. Well written, but I don't think it as totally unique. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2006-09-10 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      well wut can i say about this "talking" writing... well i dont want to say it it is all stupid and dumb .. i guess it has soemthing good at it, but you have to work on it.. it feels like you were another punk in the world... that wants to destroy it instead of making it a better world... well try to work on it .. and take care!
    peace and love
    and have a nice day
    and if you have time please take a look to myw writings ...
    | Posted on 2006-09-10 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      i really really like this. sounds like what goes through my head now and again. awesome write, i can relate.
    | Posted on 2006-09-05 00:00:00 | by Holy Wood | [ Reply to This ]

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