Description: this just me explanin some of my thoughts.
Death -------------------------------------------
Every day I think of death
Maybe go OD off some Meth
I’m not sure if u can off that
So my head I cracked with a bat
I don’t want any painful way out
So I’ll use a gun but that I doubt
That it will be a painless way
Maybe at first I’ll smoke a jay
And forget about committing suicide
By taking a very long ride
To go meet this one girl
Maybe all I need is a twirl
To nock these thoughts loose
And come to a known truce
That I’m built different
Like a tank is what I meant
Cause no bone was broke
And this is not a joke
All my damage is mental
Ya but the hit wasn’t gentle
wow, i remember when i wrote like this its got a simple word flow, if thats what i'm trying to say, i'm not sure, but i really do like this though, a-b form gets a little tiring, you puled this off well =]
This isn't too bad. I felt that the rhymes really constricted you expressing true emotion. But since this overall gave a cold feeling, I felt it matched into the situation and setting of this poem. I must say that this is particularly original; especially your perspective. Well written; but could be improved without any rhymes.
I don't think I can really relate to this. Sure, everyone was there downs, but for me I have way more ups. Well written, but I don't think it as totally unique. Keep writing. ~Caotic~
well wut can i say about this "talking" writing... well i dont want to say it it is all stupid and dumb .. i guess it has soemthing good at it, but you have to work on it.. it feels like you were another punk in the world... that wants to destroy it instead of making it a better world... well try to work on it .. and take care! peace and love and have a nice day and if you have time please take a look to myw writings ... Victor
Submission Name: Death
