Out Of Her Element
|
|
Description:
My first submission in weeks! I know the flow is off, but I meant for it to be. Since each element is different, so should the flow be as well per stanza I felt. This was a deep and heartfelt poem for me to write. I wrote this about me and for me. I ask each reader to draw their own conclusion as to what I'm saying here about myself. It is not my normal write, but I hope you enjoy it just the same.
Out Of Her Element
She danced around the fire, enticed by the flames, pliant yet unyielding, embers raised to kiss her dewy skin seducing her into this inferno that raged untamed... but no she did not belong there, among the ashes of others. She collapsed in the arms of the sea, vast and vibrant was it power, enveloping her further within as it absorbed her weighty thoughts, each gentle wave beckoned her to slip deeper into those watery depths... but she did not belong there, amid the lost artifacts eroded by the salt. She drifted as the icy fingers of air carried her into swirls of obscurity, floating beyond reality, kneading out the pain in her heart, whispering for her to fly far away... but she did not belong there, amidst the debris of voices lost in the wind. She cried resisting the pull of earth as she sat among the ruins of her life, tears obeyed gravity saturating the brittleness, particles of dust collected on her dreams, as she tried to ignore the chants from below for her to come home... but she did not belong there, along the rows of bones forgotten with time. |
Submitted on 2006-09-05 20:41:42 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post
Comments
wow, just wow. its been a while since ive logged into ES and the second day i log in i check out this poem lol and i remmeber just how good ur work is.... what can i say i simply love it! the transition through the elments and just the images u literally drew there are incredible the flow is melancholy yet soothing at the same time i dont know if thats how u meant it but thats how i read it a fablous piece of work !! :| | Posted on 2007-07-06 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ] | The flow is fine as it is. Oh Triggie, so much analysis above - what the hell is that all about ??? | Suffice to say, this is an exceptional piece of writing. PB. | Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ] | This is a powerful piece. I feel that you're trying to find your place among others by taking on different personality traits that the other people possess, but you don't feel like they're you. You are trying to find exactly where and with who you belong, and who you are, and who you want to be, and it all seems wrong. Looking only to the moment running blindly, as is the feel when you are describing air and fire yet, neither does reminiscing in the past and brooding over what could have been, which was the feel of the passage about water, nor does trying to fix the problems that may or may not arise in the futre, earth. It says that you're looking for a balance, and that's one that's increadibly difficult to find, and harder to maintain. I wish you the best of luck in finding your your balance. | Now, as a piece itself, I enjoyed this one, it definately isn't your usual style, but you did well with this one. I found the flow to go well, I found that you managed to capture the elements in the way it was broken up rather well. The wordplay particularly potent, granting the piece an air of melancolia and a sense of being lost, without sounding overused orover dramatized. I commend you for that. Anyhow, That's what I have to say, Salaam. | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by Rastine Aristat | [ Reply to This ] | Hi Maggie! | Nothing goes unnoticed, see.. I'm glad you're back. At least it gives me something to read now when I just woke up  Anyways,, I like this poem, it is indeed different from what you mostly write, but changing styles from time to time is a very good experience. My analysis; It's about a woman (you) Who has tried to belong to ..somewhere, over and over again she tried. But all her tries only gave her pain, and she appeared to belong nowhere .. Only wrong 'places' tried to seduce her, wanting her to fall, to slip deeper away into.. depression, but she knows it's not right to give in, she can still fight. Now for the last stanza... Death seems to reach out , a very strong pull. But now she knows immediately that she doesn't belong there and fights, she wants to live. I may be completely wrong, but it was interesting to analyse, and you asked for own conclusions and this is mine. Now, this comment wouldnt be mine if I didnt show you the typos, so this is what I got out: S1: unyielding, dewy S2: it[s] power, artefacts S3 amidst Okie.. that was it  Janneke | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ] | Hmmm... I liked this, but would have preffered it if it were in present tense. Lately, I read most poems in past and present would be a pleasent change. | My guess would be that this about a girl who doesn't know where and/or who she is. Some one who is lost; and is trying to figure out life and where she belongs. The ending was a little sad, but well written. A pleasure to be back reading your stuff, Catrina Abbasio ;) :S | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ] | This is a good poem. I didnt find the flow to be off at all. I think this is well written and expressed and your use of description is wonderful providing lots of imagery throughout this poem. Such a sad write as this woman tries and tries to find a place where she belongs yet always ends up with the same result of feeling like she doesnt. No matter where she goes, she is out of her element, just like the title, which is just perfect for this poem. I love how you tie in all the nature and wonders of earth into this and all the elements that surround her. Very sad, yet very good. I may have preferred a bit happier ending with some sort of hope of finding something she can relate to, but I think that would ruin the overall point of the whole poem. You did a fine job with this. | Lorna | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ] | Hey 'magnoliasteel' | First Stanza has a Pheonix twist to it. 'Nice' The whole work speaks of a person wandering the metaphysical world trying to find themselves, find their niche in life. There is a need to belong that has gone unfulfilled for some time. I like the imagery and love your use of emotion. Keep on keeping on Ocker | Posted on 2006-09-10 00:00:00 | by Ocker7290 | [ Reply to This ] | this was really cool. i love the way u took the phrase "out of her element" and really made her try to fit in through different elements as opposed to being out of her normal environment. clever ass. this is a fave | | Posted on 2006-09-10 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ] | wow girl this is amazing, i like the imagery that you have in this peice and the power that is attached to the peice. like even though she is out of her natural environment she still tries to fit in. which is something everyone tries to do in a situation that they are not used to.i thought this was a really great write. take it easy girl | Joy | Posted on 2006-09-10 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ] | This was much deeper and much more powerful than the other one you just posted. Truly a write anyone can sink their teeth into. The only part I didnt enjoy was the feeling of not belonging but still claiming the art of being one with everything. Like those people who have caller ID yet they block their outgoing calls...I have yet to hear a good reason for that??? But, you know me...I prefer the uplifting stuff more, yet can definately see the raw power of this write. Glad to see you posting again and nice to see you ain't lost that touch! | "And let them hold their heads up high...in the distance...as well as in the flesh...so that a passerby may have the opportunity to see their smile...and them theirs." | Posted on 2006-09-05 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ] | |
116950