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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: **Stage of Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 562
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 730



    Description:
       this kinda evolved alot over the course of the poem. I know it doesnt really work but any suggestions to try to make it better, or just whatever you think about it will be great. Any suggestions/comments/concerns/advice is good with me. THanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots**Stage of Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Staring up at shining lights,
    Glaring down from the heavens
    Where God watches his men,
    Dance and sing on the stage of life,
    But to me,
    The stage is where I stand, perform,
    Share a life, a fragment of time,
    Lines come flawlessly,
    Im not me,
    Im a different soul, a different life,
    Though God sees me, and only me
    With puppets acting just as I,
    I feel humbeld
    With no worries
    Safe from the sorrows of yesterday
    The workload of living
    And the pains of heartache
    This is not i you see
    A puppet coming alive
    At the break of dawn
    Only but a body
    Souless,
    Lifeless.




    Submitted on 2006-09-06 19:39:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked it and yess we are just pupets cause we give the US governent the handles ogf ower strings and live by there way and give them money{ Hello ev ery thin g is taxed}.
    | Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really deep
    In believe you are saying that someone who lives in the Positive is not truly himself because he dosent feel pain
    I can tell you every living breathing person feels pain its how you react to it that is where the Positive energy is created
    You did good with this
    You touched on many points and questions that a lot of people seem to ask
    Great Job!!!
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      "a fragment of time" that is such a great line. Love the poem, wouldn't change a thing, especially the end "only but a body, souless, lifeless" it's just great.
    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by Lil gal | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it, very profound. gets me thinking if we are all just 'Gods puppets'.
    i dunno what ya mean by thinking it doesn't really work?
    if it gets ronswords,bcute and me thinking and questioning ourselves, then i think it's worked.
    i enjoyed this.
    excellent thought provoking words,
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it. its really good. i kind of get it. it like. someone is controlling you but in a way you are controlling yourself... is that right???? i dont know. oh well. it was a really great piece and i know if you choose to that you can really take your writings further. you are a great writer. i hoppe to read more by you soon.
    love
    tina
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this read. I too could feel the...person that tries to be perfect and happy, actually being a puppet. Yet, the person feels secure in being happy, because they don't let themself feel any pain.

    Hm. *In deep thought*

    I think this envolved into something bigger than you expected. Which is awesome.

    BCute<3
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]


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