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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Bridgedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mon28
    ASL Info:    29 /F /Montana
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 176/59/14
    Words: 375
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 802
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1938



    Description:
       I am working more on a past project. Parts on this work can be viewed under "untitled". If you have the time I would like some comments as to how it has come along and maybe where I could go with it. I have a few ideas but the words are not there yet! Thanks ever so much for your views and comments!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Bridgedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have again reached that emotional state. The one where a date or an event triggers my brain to recall everything that led to its creation and thus branded this specific experience into my memory.When a relationship ends with an unburnt bridge, you find yourself tempted to cross every so often. With time the past seems to lose its consistent mediocre aspects. You are left to contend with the extreme highs, or lows, or in some cases both images. These images are the select pictures that flow on that ever-rewinding video in your mind. The very ones that tempt you to cross.Whether you do or not all depends on if you want a reaction of some sort.I found myself at a bridge today. Staring down a long narrow path filled with mixed emotions. My feelings of despair surfaced first. Something that was lost a couple of months ago re inflected me now. What do I really want and what is the most effective way to get it? I was questioning my every move and living in fear that one fatal step could strike the match. This match you see could bring and end to my future options. Once you cross a line whether it be obvious or not, makes it almost impossible to back step. Was this bridge in front of me really worth the risk today? Have my emotions gotten the better of me? Even though my true destiny lies down this path, is this now the time to take it? And there it was, my truth! I knew in that instant that it was right, but how to get there from her was my deepest concern. Reflections of memories that warmed my heart began to swell from deep within. I sobbed for a short time and enjoyed my over due release. Panic! I know what I want, but what is the right stepping pattern for this particular bridge? Could there possibly be more than one? After several moments of time logic stepped in and told me that one step in front of the other and not looking back is the answer if you truly believe in your destination......




    Submitted on 2006-09-06 20:55:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'll agree with roberto, but i think you should try to save as much as you can and not go crazy with that wordknife.

    The text needs to be divided though.
    even though this is a story, at first glance, it's just a lump of text, verry hard to grip and to read.
    Try to, when the subject changes, press space.
    eh.. I'll give an example.

    "The very ones that tempt you to cross.Whether you do or not all depends on if you want a reaction of some sort.
    (here the subject clearly changes from thoughts to somthing that happens)
    I found myself at a bridge today. Staring down a long narrow path filled with mixed emotions. (You could edit the next and pervious scentance and put them together)My feelings of despair surfaced first. (there is a slight change of subject here, so you can move the text down one line, just to make it easier to read)
    Something that was lost a couple of months ago re inflected me now."

    I hope you got the point, and I think that if you review the text you'll see what needs to be done.
    Otherwise, in contents, this is a wonderful display of thoughts and events. It could fit into a bigger story i think, but it does'nt have to.
    //The little good wolf
    | Posted on 2006-09-29 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Monica,
    I'm not that big into prose but i'll give ti a try anyway.

    Too much, my first impression; you carry on too deeply, explain too much; there are no layers to dig into. Take the wordknife and start cutting. Leave something for the reader to interprete. Less might be more

    Divide your writing in alinea's; they make an easier reading, one's eyes won't drift away too quickly like at the block of text you put down.
    Look at this small text; no alinea bigger than 5, 6 or even 7 lines.

    But overall there are some nice pictures you paint, there's definitely some deep emotion; just bring it out. You're talented, no doubt about that.

    Grts,
    roberto

    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by roberto | [ Reply to This ]


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