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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ruptured Imagedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LoveToHateMe
    ASL Info:    20/girl/Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.61 - 175/148/42
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 813
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 641



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRuptured Imagedots
    -------------------------------------------


    An old painting haunts me daily.
    I thought it washed off with the flood.
    Yet I always find it hanging there,
    brightly painted with my blood.
    I tried to hide it in the basement,
    where it grew damp and cold.
    I placed it far back in the attic,
    it was too scarred and old.
    I tried ripping up the canvas,
    then saw my lacerated skin.
    This mangled picture keeps on calling
    as I tear the flesh that it lives in.
    I want to vomit when I see it
    and this mirror doesn't help.
    As I slash apart what was me
    so I wont have to see myself.




    Submitted on 2006-09-06 21:13:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      Danger Samm,

    This is... ok, i've run out of postive adjectives to descride your poerty with...

    ...damn, now i don't know what to say. Gimme a minute, i'm sure i'll think of something.

    ok, nothing original, so i'm gonna use the same tired adjectives all over again, deal with it or stop writing beautiful poetry.

    I can't pick out any one line that i love the most, it's all binded together so perfectly.

    Keeping this short added to the binded-ness (...is that a word?) it keeps the peice thight and the flow smooth..

    Good job Samm, you're super swell!

    your delighted fan,
    -Not So Dangerous Kate
    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Very deep, love the twist. Love to find a poem that takes advantage of rhyme without forcing it. The last phrase seems a bit crunched:
    "I had to slash apart what was me
    so I wouldnt see myself"
    I love the vividness of the verb "slash," but it would flow better as "I had to tear myself apart," or some variant, in my opinion. But very good poem, really loved it.
    | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by mordrelaballe | [ Reply to This ]
      painted with blood. nice imagery. the rythm kind of dropped at this mangled picture, im not sure maybe a slight rework of the line would keep the pace of the poem.

    maybe the second to last line.. "what once was me" would be more powerful, not sure.

    i really liked the imagery and the whole premise of the poem.

    reminded me of dorian grey/gray

    good write.
    | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the comparisons within the poem. Absolutely love them. AND you manage to paint a very macabre picture within it. Slightly remiscent of something I would imagine Poe writing, for example. I loved the lines
    "I tried ripping up the canvas,
    then saw my lacerated skin."
    It's so absolutely fitting within the mood of the poem, it nearly made me shiver. Bravo. I would second mordrlaballe's recommendation, but it's also understood that poem's are very personal, and if that line resonates within you, you should keep it the way you like it, because ultimately, you write for yourself. We're all just people privileged enough to read along over your shoulder. Very original though. Very well thought out.

    The metaphor... was simply brilliantly executed.
    | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by Fade ElBrunen | [ Reply to This ]
      Hhhmmm, i'm kinda at a loss of words here. This was short yet amazingly well written. You did have a few flow problems there and there but honestly after what you've put me through, i really can't complain.

    I found the comparisson between you and a picture hanging on the wall absolutely amazing. The things you've done to this piecture to get rid of it and yet never being able to actually be rid of it is just too well put for me to say anything bad about this.

    To me, this was amazingly dark about the self. I think maybe doing something about the end. Although i find it pretty good just the way it is, i also think you could have a better ending. Not sure what it is but something else could also work.

    Anyhow, great work. Enjoyed this very much.
    Take care....
    ~Irina
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Nothing I say is gonna even come close to being the compliment you deserve, but I'll try anyway.
    There isn't one thing I don't love about this.
    Your creativity still fascinates me (yes, after allll these years Hah).

    "Yet I always find it hanging there,
    brightly painted with my blood."

    Blood... pretty. I like blood. I think I'm gonna paint with it sometime. (Lets pretend I didnt just say that.)

    I like how you kept trying to hide that damn painting but nowhere seemed right.
    (That's kind of like what I've been doing with my mom. I can't figure out where to put her.)

    "I tried ripping up the canvas,
    then saw my lacerated skin."

    That's my favorite part, I think.

    "I had to slash apart what was me
    so I wouldnt see myself."

    I know I've said it before, but this time I am certain that thats the best ending EVER.
    EVER!!!!!!!! woah


    It's like you get more talented everyday.


    Love
    Your biggest fan ever
    -nikkki (thats me)
    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    117057

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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