An old painting haunts me daily.
I thought it washed off with the flood.
Yet I always find it hanging there,
brightly painted with my blood.
I tried to hide it in the basement,
where it grew damp and cold.
I placed it far back in the attic,
it was too scarred and old.
I tried ripping up the canvas,
then saw my lacerated skin.
This mangled picture keeps on calling
as I tear the flesh that it lives in.
I want to vomit when I see it
and this mirror doesn't help.
As I slash apart what was me
so I won’t have to see myself.
Wow! Very deep, love the twist. Love to find a poem that takes advantage of rhyme without forcing it. The last phrase seems a bit crunched: "I had to slash apart what was me so I wouldnt see myself" I love the vividness of the verb "slash," but it would flow better as "I had to tear myself apart," or some variant, in my opinion. But very good poem, really loved it.
I love the comparisons within the poem. Absolutely love them. AND you manage to paint a very macabre picture within it. Slightly remiscent of something I would imagine Poe writing, for example. I loved the lines "I tried ripping up the canvas, then saw my lacerated skin." It's so absolutely fitting within the mood of the poem, it nearly made me shiver. Bravo. I would second mordrlaballe's recommendation, but it's also understood that poem's are very personal, and if that line resonates within you, you should keep it the way you like it, because ultimately, you write for yourself. We're all just people privileged enough to read along over your shoulder. Very original though. Very well thought out.
Hhhmmm, i'm kinda at a loss of words here. This was short yet amazingly well written. You did have a few flow problems there and there but honestly after what you've put me through, i really can't complain.
I found the comparisson between you and a picture hanging on the wall absolutely amazing. The things you've done to this piecture to get rid of it and yet never being able to actually be rid of it is just too well put for me to say anything bad about this.
To me, this was amazingly dark about the self. I think maybe doing something about the end. Although i find it pretty good just the way it is, i also think you could have a better ending. Not sure what it is but something else could also work.
Anyhow, great work. Enjoyed this very much. Take care.... ~Irina
Nothing I say is gonna even come close to being the compliment you deserve, but I'll try anyway. There isn't one thing I don't love about this. Your creativity still fascinates me (yes, after allll these years Hah).
"Yet I always find it hanging there, brightly painted with my blood."
Blood... pretty. I like blood. I think I'm gonna paint with it sometime. (Lets pretend I didnt just say that.)
I like how you kept trying to hide that damn painting but nowhere seemed right. (That's kind of like what I've been doing with my mom. I can't figure out where to put her.)
"I tried ripping up the canvas, then saw my lacerated skin."
That's my favorite part, I think.
"I had to slash apart what was me so I wouldnt see myself."
I know I've said it before, but this time I am certain that thats the best ending EVER. EVER!!!!!!!! woah