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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: revolutionary theory (verse 1)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unknown soldier
    ASL Info:    17/kenner, La (N.O)
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 1348/1346/203
    Words: 240
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 1005
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1446



    Description:
       sick of so called "gangstas" in the rap industry. so i strive to write in a more revolutionary way


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsrevolutionary theory (verse 1)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Still seizing the day so I call it carpe diem
    Resurrecting Jesus through music because my people really need Him
    Will we meet Him and greet Him?
    Or be too distracted while we’re fighting for freedom?
    It’s All Hallows Eve so we trick em to treat em
    No more gangsta rap, kicking it revolutionary
    Trying to find conclusions when our solutions vary
    Motivated by the inspirational music we’re producing rarely
    Vexed at how we seldom get locked in penal institutions fairly
    This is life and we make it through it barely
    Trying to undermine the governments “hip hop pollution theory”
    The feed us their drugs, sex, and their lies
    Vexed and surprised at how they make us pass tests to survive
    The rest of hide as the best of us strive
    And the first to get stressed and defy is usually the next one to die
    So I guess that my demise is at hand since I’m devising this plan
    Visualizing our stand as I keep writing, ostracizing the Man
    Can’t decipher this mad cipher twist, putting info in code
    So that seeds that we sew can explode in the face of those
    Who try to stop us from making dough through crazy flows
    You may be froze
    Unaware of the simple things that a baby knows
    Lost in a world where they’ll shoot you and hustle
    I’m with you Kweli, another advocate of the Beautiful Struggle




    Submitted on 2006-09-07 13:10:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Fight the power! Sorry I had to break out with that. lol. I liked it. Although, I felt with this, the rhyming could be improved to me with some of the lines. Like line 3, I would not use HIM twice, since we know who you are speaking of and let it flow naturally. The flow was good. Your message was clear, we as Black people get caught up in the hype of gangsta rap, and not focus on issues and solving the problems of our people. You had some tight ass lines though, such as " The rest of [us] hide as the best of us strive". The ending I did not get though, and I feel it did not support the rest of your strong theme and flow. All and all, this was some good work, just need a little more tweaking.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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