Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Want ( Prototype)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Twisted
    Elite Ratio:    7.47 - 159/57/75
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Vampire
    Total Views: 867
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1248



    Description:
       Chapter Twenty-Four from, " Una lujuria de vampiro." I'm not able to write chapter one, chapter two, so I'll just upload whenever.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWant ( Prototype)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her image remains traps within his eyes as sheís sleeping.

    His little angel of deceit.

    With soft skin and a beautiful body, heís hungry for her blood.

    Heís hungry for her heart.

    But there next to her is that man, nay, Elven that already has it.

    He takes a step back where no one and hurt him, he gazes at her body.

    His eyes leaving a burning trail of lust pooling in his gut.

    She shivered, from cold maybe, or is it his aura she senses.

    Dark, and cold with pain of a thousand nights alone, a thousand lives drained.

    He preserved their memories, even had their pains.

    She started to cry, curled up into a ball when the Elven stirred and embraced her.

    She beat him in her sleep, as he stroked her hair, calling her back from the land of nightmares.

    And she woke up, sobbing into his chest.

    He understood the extent of the manís love for her, the strong woman she is, so vulnerable in her dreams.

    He pities her pain, knowing full well that he could take it away.

    The only problem was she didnít know he was offering.




    Submitted on 2006-09-07 16:23:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Generally I don't read this type of poetry. However, for this type and expression you are writing it, I think it's very good. (Though I think you have a typo in the first line. Did you mean,
    "Her image remains trapped within his eyes while she's sleeping"....trapped instead of traps?) It well expresses the feeling of the man, (him and Elven,) and the description of the woman he loves. I think you did better than most describing your topic and not making it....how should I say....15 and up. Good write.
    -Katriana
    | Posted on 2007-06-11 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ]
      to build on what Katana said, I don't necessarily think it feels unfinished, but it does sound like the kind of thing that could be made into some sort of series. I like how it displays the most primal state of emotion- where there's no complication of being politically correct or tactful. The fact is, he wants her to be his and that's all there is to it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems incomplete. A cliffhanger to a want for more? Well I sure hope you end it.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      I LIKE IT!! What is it? Its good, whatever it is.
    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by Vampiric Death | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    117174

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Outlaw
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry