Mockingbirds don't sing by Twisted

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Submission Name: Mockingbirds don't sing dots

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Author:	Twisted
Elite Ratio:	7.47 - 159/57/75
Words:	72

Class/Type:	Prose/I am dead inside
Total Views:	539
Average Vote:	4.5000
Bytes:	452

Description:
A small little attempt at something else.

Mockingbirds don't sing dots

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Mockingbirds don’t sing, at least none that I’ve heard. Mockingbirds don’t sing an lullabies to soothe me to sleep. Mockingbirds don’t sing, and I’m still left alone.

Mockingbirds don’t sing, don’t fly away no more. Mockingbirds watch my tears and I turn away.

Mockingbirds don’t sing, but make a trilling noise that sounds like laughter.

Mockingbirds don’t sing to me anymore, so I don’t listen.

Submitted on 2006-09-07 16:41:35 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  It's a little dark,However you do get your point across. Nice work.
| Posted on 2007-05-17 00:00:00 | by Amiee Rinehart | [ Reply to This ]
   Did enjoy it. Do think it would be better if it were lined out differently. Sounds less choppy that way. Loved the way you expressed how the change was in you and not the Mockingbird.
At frist I didn't like the last line. So I went back and reread it a couple of times. Now I think it would not be nearly as personal if were any different. But that is just me.
Bottom line. Very well written and emtional in that grey sort of area. Loved it.
Keith

| Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by Man in Black | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a dark and very sad piece. to think that the wonderful little things of creation can not be enjoyed anymore is quite dreadful. that is a true death inside. however, Jesus the Christ is able to raise all who receive Him by faith as Lord and Savior from the dead. nicely written, although i must agree with nancy as far as the formatting of this poem is concerned.

God bless you
john-paul
| Posted on 2007-01-05 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the flow of your write good job keep up the good writes, ty
| Posted on 2006-12-25 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ]
  mockingbirds just mock me. i like the line "mockingbirds don't sing, they make a trilling noise that sounds like laughter." that sums it up.
| Posted on 2006-12-22 00:00:00 | by Lil gal | [ Reply to This ]
  This was different but very true
I love animals and mockingbirds truly are a rare form of bird
I do believe however that what we call there mocking is actually a sweet song that we have to listen carefully to too truly understand the meaning
I believe the beautiful sounds of the birds are a gift to soothe us and tear us away if just for a moment from the Negativity us humans have created on this Earth
Great Write
I Liked it!!!
God Bless
Ron

Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh,how intriguing!I like,indeed.This piece brings a sense of humily and calm along with sensery to me.I don't why it does.I've always had an obbscession with using certain birds to communicate certain ideas like you have here.

Raven = Love/truth/
Dove = War/death
Mockingbird = Mockery (obivious lol) and
humans/lies
Vultures = Government/greedy people
Chickadee = Young girl/child (idk?!)

You know,stuff like that!I don't know why I listed those.Just felt like sharing...(o.O)

"It is like they are laughing us,isn't it?"

<3 and God Bless - Lindel < ^//_~^ >
| Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by LRRolins | [ Reply to This ]
  i really liked this it was different yet still had something to it that just caught my attention. It was really interesting and i love the title it was interesting and I just had to read what you had written after seeing it. great job, keep it up! I really liked this it was different yet still had something to it that just caught my attention. It was really interesting and I love the title it was interesting and I just had to read what you had written after seeing it. great job, keep it up!
| Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by FLHgg | [ Reply to This ]
  Coco, that was really good.
| Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by nikkisan158 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi it's Grace. This is amazing! It really sounds like something everyone can relate to at some point in their lives. The only thing I don't like is the lack of separation. This makes reader's look at the unseparated parts as having no pauses where I think they might be needed. Or maybe I'm just trying to follow guidlines by not giving solely compliments. Who knows. In general, I think it's really awesome.
| Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought this was very beautiful. The reference to the mockingbird was great. Mockingbird could aslo symbolize a person or people. People ridicule and laugh and mock others. They can sometimes seem cruel, and "in-human"...like they have no souls.
I think the poem itself is mocking the situation some...I may be wrong, but it came across as having an ever so slight sarcasm in it.
Overall, I thought this was really nice. It was crisp and clear. Even though it didn't rhyme, it did in its own strange way because of the references and the way it was written. WEll, I think I'm rambling now, so I'll stop, hehe, peace...

*tox*
| Posted on 2006-11-23 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  I felt the confusion and chaos that is brought out in this poem that you have written. I do enjoy it. it makes me feel like there is something that use to happen to the writter and it is no longer happening, sort of a feeling of loss or dispare, this may not be what the poem is about but thats my interpretaion. the ending you say

"Mockingbirds don’t sing to me anymore, so I don’t listen"

you finished it strong, kind of a (well hell, if you wont talk to me then i wont even listen or give a crap about what you have to say any way, type of feeling)
I hope im right.

--Death--
| Posted on 2006-11-19 00:00:00 | by DeathTone | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked it, it was somewhat unorganized and maybe even chaotic... which I like very much, especially since it still managed to shine with its point and meaning.
| Posted on 2006-11-10 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]
  Mockingbirds never did sing anyway. I agree with dismentled, it looks more like prose, maybe you could restructure it into stanzas?
The mockingbird may have sounded sweet to you before, but today it probably doesn't because of some major change, and thats probably the main point.
Cheers
Azuire
| Posted on 2006-11-10 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
  ok, first off I wouldn't label this as a prose, more as poetry, also structure is a big factor in writing and this needs revition. The redundancy isn't really necessary, not so much because it's just redundant, but because you don't add anything new or refining to it. Take Korn for instance, one of thir new singles refers to mocking birds, I'd sijest checking it out, if not already familiar with.
| Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
  I think instead of sending this as a prose piece I would go ahead and line it out like a poem. I say that because of the repetition you've used. It seems to fit and enhance that quality of a mockingbird you are describing so very well.

Mockingbirds don’t sing,
at least none that I’ve heard.
Mockingbirds don’t sing any lullabies
to soothe me to sleep. Mockingbirds don’t sing,
and I’m still left alone.

Mockingbirds don’t sing,
don’t fly away no more.
Mockingbirds watch my tears
and I turn away.

Mockingbirds don’t sing,
but make a trilling noise
that sounds like laughter.

Mockingbirds don’t sing
to me anymore,
so I don’t listen.

I really think it makes your ideas more accessible and that is the reason why we write. As for wording, it's right on and I wouldn't change a thing. Nice work, thanks for sharing.

Nan

| Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  What's the deal with mockingbirds? I never did read How To Kill A Mockingbird. Good write. I like the last line the best.
Katana
| Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
  Likkie. Its kind of like they laugh at us, isn't it.
| Posted on 2006-10-31 00:00:00 | by Vampiric Death | [ Reply to This ]
  The many typoes disctracted me from the main content; but after reading it again, I really enjoyed what you said in this. An interesting message; and a unique way to put it all together. I'll read some of your stories as soon as I have some time. Thanks

Abbas
| Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm very intresting i liked it it was diffrent it's ark and beautiful this was a wonderful poem and i enjoyed reading it very much!!! you should write it diffrent thou it doesn't look like a poem like that!!!

well talk later

*FireFlye*
| Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by fireflye | [ Reply to This ]
  very good...i like how you ended it
| Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by dark lover | [ Reply to This ]

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