People Talk : Birth and death by (Eagle)

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Submission Name: People Talk : Birth and death dots

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Author:	(Eagle)
ASL Info:	14/m/OH
Elite Ratio:	2.35 - 31/25/11
Words:	65

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	166
Average Vote:	4.3333
Bytes:	503

Description:
just something that popped into my head its pretty good seeing as i dont write poems that much

People Talk : Birth and death dots

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People tend to talk about birth.
Then about Death.

Why never
the child got there first bike
The
the teenager got there first kiss
Spaces
the adult got their first job
in between
the man and women were married
birth
The man and the woman had their first child
and
the old man and the old woman die together
death

Submitted on 2006-09-07 20:06:29 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Eh..? Very good I loved it..See I try and write stuff this good. I suck. I'm very bad..But I wish I could. Anyway I have it on my site now as you know..I think you should keep doing this..Well only if you want I suppose.This is my first time writing on this...Well it was fun.
| Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by EbonyBlood | [ Reply to This ]
  Steven! Oh my God! That was really, really good! I caught the line/message in a double-take, and it really made the read for me.

I would go through and make sure you haven't made spelling/context errors however. I noticed a few there/their/they're errors, though nothing so overwhelming that it truly took away from the poem.

AND you bring up a good point, randomly yet effectively philosophical. There is much more to life than a birth and a death, otherwise there would be little for us to live for.

I don't know if this was intentional or not, but the ending lines of the poem....

"birth

The man and the woman had their first child

and

the old man and the old woman die together

death"

They outline the rest of the poem, in a good point, indicating that even while birth and death are occuring, the circumstances about said events, for instance, the man and woman HAVING the first child, or the old man and woman dying TOGETHER, are infinitely more important than the consequences.

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Keep on writing, and you'll get really good at it.
| Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by Fade ElBrunen | [ Reply to This ]
  That was good seeing that you don't write poems much.

I loved the outline! It had a pretty good meaning to it too. You're right, why don't we talk about our first... or what things we think are important to US. The most people ever talk about us is when we are born or when we die..

Good Job!
~*~ Lisa ~*~
| Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by Nani | [ Reply to This ]

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