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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Our Livesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lil J
    ASL Info:    22/F
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 40/29/38
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 149
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1093



    Description:
       I found this today when I was cleaning. I had completely forgotten it. I wrote it a few years back about my favorite band (the Moffatts). It may be a juvenile way of looking at the situation but I still feel this way sort of. Enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOur Livesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We walk by after a long show
    You yell insults as we crawl in the limo
    We face each other to talk and one of us cries
    You may not realize a part of him just died

    People don't know what we go through
    You say you understand, but do you?
    We lost control of our lives and can't get it back
    One little mistake and we fall through the cracks
    If we were someone else, would anybody care?
    How could we have all we've ever wanted and still feel like nothing's there?

    We may seem perfect when we're in magazines or on the radio
    But you wouldn't believe how hard it is not to let it show
    Never having a break from trying to make you smile
    We just want to live our dream then go back to being ourseleves for a while

    Have you ever wanted something very badly
    And for it you would die?
    Have you ever been upset or hurt
    But were determined not to cry?
    We only wish more people would understand

    Welcome to our lives




    Submitted on 2006-09-07 21:12:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was good, I enjoyed it personally. I think it's awesome you wrote your fav. band a tribute. I'm not sure what the situation was, or whatnot. But, I think its awesome you felt something enough to write something for it. Maybe a little more background on what went wrong would help me understand better. Dunno.

    BCute<3
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      =O moffatt poem. niiice.

    "We face each other to talk and one of us cries
    You may not realize a part of him just died"

    - i'm not sure what you really mean by that part. like i guess whats going on that those feelings are being felt. While reading it, it seems like it could be a multiple of things, and i think that if that was more clear, it's what would put this over the top. I'm not saying like blurt that out in one of the lines, but in a subtle way.

    "Welcome to our lives"

    - I love you ended it so simply.

    The whole second stanza.

    - That really got me thinking. Mainly because thats probably the truth. It's hard to realize sometimes that just because somethings/some people seem so perfect, and people build them up to be something their not, that they are just regular people, who make mistakes, and have regrets too.

    All in all, i like this. Alsooo, I like how you added a picture, for me, it adds to it.

    great job.

    xox
    -



    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by dash | [ Reply to This ]



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