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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ??????????dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Unicorn Poet
    ASL Info:    23/F/Salem, OR
    Elite Ratio:    5 - 406/272/46
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 730
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 536



    Description:
       hmmm i'm not even sure if i'm done with this one..... can i get some thoughts and suggestions please???????

    I need a title too, if you have any suggestions.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots??????????dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Slowly opening my eyes,
    Dreams from night-time fading,
    Your arms encircle my body,
    Your hard, warm passion is waiting.

    Rolling towards your beautiful face,
    "Hello sweetheart and good morining."
    A welcome embrace, passionate touch,
    A union of two into one we are forming.

    Your kiss so lustful and eternally soft,
    The feeling in my heart is immortal,
    We move in unison, melding as one,
    As our souls fly through love's open portal.




    Submitted on 2006-09-07 21:34:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the title "Loves Portal"
    It brings many idialistic views of how love should be and I like that.
    Nice write.
    Frann. x
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Effee | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice work. If you are planning to add more stanzas I suggest in the middle since I think you ended it very well. Great job!
    ```Chrissy```
    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by XxXPromiseMeXxX | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it. For a title, I'm thinking, hmm...sometihng about dreams turning to reality or something...hmm...or maybe..like Dawn Love or sometihng..i dunno...good job and keep writing.
    ~Caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...I think its done. You might be able to add to the middle of it with a few more details though, but not so much, ya know? The ending is great, except it might read better if you take out the word "open" in the last line.

    Other than that its a fine piece. I'm not too sure about a title either.
    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      It's been forever and a day plus yesterday since I talked to you last girl!

    This was truly romantic. I think that within these short amount of lines you definitely put in a punch. Love can be found in the littlest things. I think that often we overlook the joy of waking up to the person that we truly feel one with.

    The title....I am not a title person. LMFAO! I have a hard time coming up with them on my own posts. I think that if you sit down and get into the full zone of the emotion you have when you wrote this....you will be able to find an appropriate title for it.

    Great seeing you!

    I missed ya!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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