A Lament In Purgatory by mrmundane

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Submission Name: A Lament In Purgatory dots

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Author:	mrmundane
ASL Info:	20/m/vancouver bc
Elite Ratio:	2.51 - 47/88/61
Words:	193

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	151
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1199

Description:

A Lament In Purgatory dots

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stepping through a great divide
from turmoil to a safety line
and trolling away from bitter binds
a blossom of life from deader times

I hang between these substantial ridges
waiting for potential bridges
as rocks are tumbling from under my toes
and hitting riverbeds down below

and sometimes winds will make me shiver
vertigo tries to make me quaver
and before too long i start to crave
the voidness of the river

i start to think of being wet
and dream of fish eating up my flesh
and all that roe my soul could eat
if i would discontinue strength to my feet

and suddenly i wish to die
there is no proof of plans to build
my hands are shaky
and my clothes have now grown mold

and sounds of crashing entertain in my head
in dreams i feel that riverbed
and all that water into which i'd bled
blanketting it in all my red

but I have been in a deader time
a life so dead death seems quite tame
and i have chosen to live for once
i'm tired of being the same.

Submitted on 2006-09-07 22:09:35 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I went through couple of your stuff, and you are very artistic and creative in the mind. I'm sure you will get better and better, cuz I see already that it can only get better. It all shows in your work that you do have a gift and your slowly getting to experience it and become more powerful.

I really liked the begining of this poem..but I can see some grammar errors that need to be fixed, like in the last stanzas. just make sure to go over it while you have a chance for improvement. The title fit good, I like the word "purgatory"..it's very important to have a good title and good wording..Overall it was good (especially the begining) butt I don't like the last stanza (ending) which is also important, and you didn't have it there. the last line, let's just say "killed it" so I'll leave the rest to you. hope it helped

Keep writing,
Take care
| Posted on 2007-05-18 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
keep it on just as u are doing it right now u know when yioour audience can see through your eyes then you know that you are flowing.
| Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by webdevil | [ Reply to This ]

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