tender lodgings by rouge wave

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Submission Name: tender lodgings dots

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Author:	rouge wave
Elite Ratio:	8 - 22/16/4
Words:	342

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	226
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1868

Description:

I wanted to work on some poems I was going to submit to an Ezine but I will most definitely miss the deadline to submit this month. This should be a good thing because all of my poems are as they were first birthed so some touching up is needed.

This isn't the poem I wanted to work on first but I'm not at home (internet is down - Adelphia) but I had some thoughts with it too. I actually changed it just now after pulling it from another site that I blog on.

Please let me know what you think and let each stanza be a fresh brush stroke in your mind.

tender lodgings dots

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     If summer had a home,
           a resort we'd visit
           on our colder days,
           it would be embodied
           in her hair

           When my eyes traveled
           my limbs
           weakened
           and my heart
           felt the cool breeze
           that followed long evenings

           Water on coal embers,
           my nights tinted black
           with whispering lingerings
           that would match the vapor
           of my breath
           as I
           exhale

Submitted on 2006-09-08 10:10:56 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Rogue, after reading this, plus your one other submission that's up, I long to read more. This was beautiful. I know as I read it again and again, I will see things that need changing, but right now, I'm in awe of the images and the amazing way you've expressed them. Webmaster doesn't like us just to leave compliments, and for myself, I know they aren't particularly helpful. Nonetheless, that's what you're getting from me on this. Sorry I can't be of more use. mae

| Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
  I read it about five times...and each time I felt that there was somthing I was missing.

I don't mean that the poem was laking I ment that there are things in my life that I miss, and I was trying, to no avail, to find it in your poem.

Now-I really liked the picture. Whenever someone adds a picture, I ask myself, "Why this picture?" The picture is of a little girl looking at a sun set (as I am sure you know:) )

By having that picture start off the poem, it made me open my mind to a more chid like view of the world...Children are mystified by everything... The things that we normally take for granted, children tend to soak them up as AMAZING.

First stanza: If summer had a home,
a resort we'd visit
on our colder days,
it would be embodied
in her hair

Giving your title logdings I really liked this stanza. In the first line by opening with Summer...it was a very light reminsing feeling. I liked how you sait, " It would be embodied in her hair.." These are the imagery that I got from that line: You could be talking of a lover, you stayed with one summer. Or it could be talking of the love you feel for your child, and the sweetness she brings to your life.

Then ending made me feel a little melancholy.
I think that this poem was very original...Romantically Modern.

I felt that the poem was a little unclear...but this isnt a bad thing! It makes it changable to the reader. I wouldn't change a thing.

A good poem is read
A great poem is reread again.

Kishkuman.
| Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by Kishkuman | [ Reply to This ]
  wow really good, i really like it
"Water on coal embers,
my nights tinted black
with whispering lingerings
that would match the vapor
of my breath
as I
exhale"

i was really amazed by your poem it was really sweet and soothing.

Fana
| Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]

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