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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Swingset (My Ritual)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: His goth child
    ASL Info:    15/male/Loserville
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 82/79/45
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1065
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 661



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSwingset (My Ritual)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Long after dark
    In the shadow of the moon
    Sits a lone kid
    On an old swingset
    In the dead of the night
    He swings back and forth
    Back and forth
    Would you belive
    That child is me;

    The dark gives my mind a stage
    To relive past events
    And dream of options not taken,
    The silence gives thoughts time to clear
    And the cool air gives my wounds room to
    heal;

    Lost in my trance
    My hurts can heal
    My mind can dream
    My heart can feel;

    And even though the place is public
    This time is mine
    Only mine




    Submitted on 2006-09-08 14:21:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I am in love with this poem.
    It could use work but i love it the way it is.
    oh my god....
    i love your mind for making this.

    Favorites, yay!

    oh you should check mine out, mk?

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      I know what you mean. Though I don't use a swingset, I usually feel that waty driving at night. Sometimes just being alone in my room is enough.
    You have a few mechanical errors, "back and foth", "My eart can feel;" "and even thoughthe".
    You might want to work more with punctuation, but you don't have to.
    I really like the theme of this poem.
    "The silence gives thoughts time to clear
    And the cool air gives my wounds room to
    heal;"
    I love those two lines. Nice job, polish it a little and it'll be great.
    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by freshcookies | [ Reply to This ]
      I used to love to swing when I was a kid and could stay at it all day. Mom would have to call me in at supper time, just as it was getting dark.

    And you're right.. you can fly away with your thoughts in the air and it seems that that time is yours, and yours alone.

    It's a shame (on my part) that I don't take time for that anymore. This poem made me miss it, and long for that simple time in my life again.

    Nice read.


    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well there are a few errors, but I liked it. It jus reads very nicely. There is this melancholy tone to it and this good feeling near the end. I like.
    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by fiery whisper | [ Reply to This ]


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