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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Apartments and cracked fingernailsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1184
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 845



    Description:
       well, my new apartment is on the third floor and looks into the apartments next to me. yup


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsApartments and cracked fingernailsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    a sickening anesthesia spreading through my open veins
    staring at a wall opposite my window
    llooks ike a million sheets of sandpaper
    stretching and spreading like a disease
    twenty feet above a decaying wooden fence
    cannot even see the ground
    if i strain my fury-filled eyes
    i can see through the inch-thick windows
    neighboring people drift by in a ceaseless blur
    a lone hand, cracked at the fingers
    cheap nailpolish garish next to the blinds
    she too is blind
    will never bother to inquire of me
    we'll turn her eyes to the constant drone of the television set
    while making cheap macoroni and cheese
    the milk has gone sour
    she's lost this staring contest
    where i can see her
    and she'd rather just not see me




    Submitted on 2004-05-21 21:09:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this poem has a great harsh urban feel to it... the ills of modern society with their microwaveable dinners in front of the tv and the nailpolish that doesn't hide the dirt under the fingernails anymore. it's excellent..

    i just feel that some of the language doesn't suit the subject matter.. "to inquire of me" for example sounds too 'queen's english' for this poem.

    other than that i think it's great.. i'm divided as to whether or not punctuation would make it more powerful.. but if your instinct was to go without punctuation then it's best to stick with that :)
    | Posted on 2004-07-14 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      i think i just figured out........it was meant to read "will never bother to inquire of me" shalom.
    | Posted on 2004-05-21 00:00:00 | by spitacidsoot | [ Reply to This ]
      "will never both to inquire of me" doesn't make sense to me. that is the only thing that threw me off. seems like you were people watching? sounds like something i would do if i lived in an apartment like that. the descriptions put me where you were, in some place. the perspective on this is neat too. there was probably something else i was going to say, but how about this: it's going in my favorites
    | Posted on 2004-05-21 00:00:00 | by spitacidsoot | [ Reply to This ]


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