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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Killing Tree - an edit of Mercy's Gatedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crutch
    ASL Info:    65/M/Ar.
    Elite Ratio:    7.58 - 44/27/12
    Words: 244
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1149
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1487



    Description:
       This is an edit and re-title of an earlier piece which I had called Mercy's Gate. Thanks to those who made crits and helped me with the edit, I hope I have done justice to the piece.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Killing Tree - an edit of Mercy's Gatedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Killing Tree:

    Fate’s lost children by the side of the road,
    the blind leading blind with their heavy load,
    hopelessly mired in their own self-trust,
    they tread ashes to ashes, and dust to dust.

    These ill-fated captives of the cursed tree,
    having lost their way to the crystal sea,
    are tethered in time to an endless trace,
    and tangled in a life of sad disgrace.

    While here, stockpiled around my feet
    lay the polished stones of my own conceit.
    If rock throwing begins, I’m first to start
    by the power of a firm, inflexible heart.

    As arrogance abounds in this soul of blame,
    I hone my excuses and celebrate their shame.
    Then a blood-dipped finger divides the mind,
    and removes the veil that has kept me blind.

    With new eyes I see the one who sets free
    as I’m caught in his view from the killing tree.
    Transfixed by the gaze of this bleeding man,
    I see the divided path near which I stand.

    One is a path of the counterfeit kiss
    for the thief and liar and heart amiss,
    the way of shadows passing into night,
    beyond the death vale and out of sight.

    The other is a path over mercy’s hill
    for the chosen few of the yielded will,
    the way of light through an open door,
    crossing the threshold of eternity’s shore.





    Submitted on 2006-09-08 22:59:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow...this piece is amazing, I'm at a loss for words. Allow me to say first off that this is instantaeously going into my favorites. Now let me see if I can break it down properly according to what I understood...

    Stanza One:
    This gives me an image of our society today. Arrogant and trusting only ourselves, without regard to others. We believe that man can accomplish anything by himself, but that's not the truth, yet we "mire" ourselves in it. Each person who believes that leads others down that path of false hope.

    Stanza Two:
    I'm going out on a limb with this one, but since the rest of the poem seems to be biblical, I believe the cursed tree stands for the Tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the garden of Eden, described in Genesis. Adam and Eve were not to partake of it, but they did, and thus cursed mankind to be "captives" of sin. The crystal sea has several references, but I believe this best applies to the one in Revelation, the crystal sea that will be part of the new heaven and earth, and they have lost their way trying to achieve that place. The tether you refer to reminds me of sin, you can't see it or grasp it, but it binds us all to "sad disgrace."

    Stanza Three:
    The third verse seems to have a dual meaning, referencing to the religious Jews who approached Jesus ready to stone the adultress, only we are Christians, caught up in our own piety and self-righteous judgement of others when we were once the same.

    Stanza Four:
    I believe the first half just echoes the point of the third stanza, the hard hearts we can develop if we don't stay tender towards God's abundant grace and love. The second half, I get this picture of Jesus reaching down with his nail-pierced, bloody hands, and removing this veil we've created for ourselves. I wonder in real life how often that must happen, because so often we blind ourselves to many different sins or to the suffering of others.

    Stanza Five:
    The killing tree: Jesus' cross. Its as though he stares down at you from there, silent, but you can read the compassion and love He has for everyone in those deep eyes, and suddenly shame overwhelms you.

    Stanza Six:
    I'm trying to remember the exact bible verse, but I can't. It goes something like: "Wide is the gate that leads to destruction, and many those who tread upon it, but narrow is the way that leads to eternal life." Its somewhere in the Epistles. Perhaps I'll look it up exactly later. But that's the idea I get here. The "counterfeit kiss" is an apt description of this way, the way the wide gate seems easy and pleasant, but hides a bitter reality.

    Stanza Seven:
    Praise the Lord, Hallelujah that this gate is open to anyone who are willing to walk it. I love the phrase, "the chosen few of yielded will." What a great way to describe those who are born-again believers and choose to follow Christ. We must yield our wills to His, and by doing so, will find ultimately peace and satisfaction, and spend eternity with a God who loves us unconditionally. What an amazing thought.

    I hope I read into this correctly, if not, well, that's the picture I got from it. I would love to hear from you, and about what prompted you to write this piece. Excellent job my friend, and God Bless.

    ~Jen~
    | Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by Jengrr | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, Crutch. I read both of your Mercy's Gate poems, in order of their appearance, and I'll have to say, this one is much clearer and states your message much better. There is one thing that appears in both of them, however, with which I really take issue (and I'm surprised Lelik didn't mention it). The first two stanzas of each are both fraught with cliché' - or perhaps it should be called 'church talk' (that's what we call it at my church), by which I mean terms that are familiar language in church or are associated with church. For example:

    blind leading the blind; ashes to ashes, and dust to dust; crystal sea

    They are terms that have been overused and it would be much better if you found different ways of saying them.

    Now, after you get past those first two stanzas, you do much better. You leave the tired old phrases behind and hand us a meaningful poem full of original expressions of imagery.

    "As arrogance abounds in this soul of blame,
    I hone my excuses and celebrate their shame"

    These are fantastically expressive lines, in my opinion. They are so true!!!

    "I see the divided path near which I stand."

    The word 'divided' in this line throws your meter off. Would 'forked' work for you?

    Whether this is a poem that resonates with people or not, I understand your need to write it and your personal love for it - the fact that you revised it and reposted it shows that you love it. I did note in the comment by freeangel that he/she asked if you were 'alluding' to Christianity. Do you want it to be just an allusion or do you want it to stand out there? I'd call this stronger than just an allusion, but I don't know that I'd call it an overt expression of Christianity, either. Perhaps that is something you should think about as well. (And you thought you were done with this one. HA!)

    I really like this poem, AFTER the first two stanzas. The problem is coaxing your reader to wade through those stanzas to get through to the real poem. I'd really like to see you work on those.

    Overall, a good job. Thanks, Crutch. mae



    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      I love your use of imagery. I also like your rhythm and flow.
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by causticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, i love the imagery here " a blood dipped finger" "the killing tree" such expressive use of metaphor really hammers home the thoughts and feelings expressed here, i think the rhyme scheme here is very good and natural, when i was reading this i was wondering if this is some sort of judgement day, and the killing tree is the point of judgement for the unfortunate people "the blind" how lucky that you were shown the truth in time! definitely lucky, are you alluding to christianity here? feel free to cyber slap me if i'm off track,,there is a religious thread running through this poem, expecially the last stanza which was my favourite. a very good poem, it's definitely going into my faves
    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by freeangel | [ Reply to This ]


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