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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Green Grass Hilldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 223/303/117
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1368
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1063



    Description:
       With fondest memories of
    Billy the Musician...
    and Dennis the Artist...

    Dedicated to Pam and Donny,
    and Bonnie and Heidi,
    and Carol (who I bit),
    and Kathy (with her guitar),
    and Jennifer (except for one toe),
    and Jamie (with his sneakers)...
    and smelly skunk cabbage...

    "I found a picture of you..." (the Pretenders)...so it caused me to remember a still moment in time...

    (No perfect thought to rhyme with the submission.)

    In the late sixties, early seventies, when it was safe to "disappear" from your home for an entire summer day, some dear friends and I would spend time together at the end of Pine Street in our developing neighborhood. Previously, a construction crew had dug the topsoil from a plot of land and tuck-piled it enormously high in the corner, where it stayed for what seemed like eternity, growing over with plants and paths. It was on the edge of what came to be known to some of us as The Woods.

    To the left was a toppled down tree blocking the main path. We affectionately called this, "The Log." It was here at the entrance where we would often meet to smoke butts (which were .50 a pack), and plan our days.
    We name the paths behind it, as though they were streets.
    And we'd play forever on the overgrown topsoil at Green Grass Hill.

    Eventually..."they" built the house (and many more), and spread the topsoil as a front lawn for the new residents.
    The Log...rotted.
    And the developers pushed their way deep into The Woods.
    Of course, over time, this eroded a portion of the innocence of our childhood.

    So...to me, this writing is a priceless moment in my time...enjoy!
    See you at The Log!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGreen Grass Hilldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just now a memory
    caught my eye.
    Looking long,
    I gave a sigh.

    Without a thought
    I brought you near,
    to see if I
    could maybe hear,

    your words again,
    with whispers sweet,
    like baby's breath
    and angels feet.

    I close my eyes
    and we are there,
    enjoying life,
    without a care.

    I brush my hand
    across your face.
    Inhale a breath
    to smell that place,

    where once we played
    when time stood still,
    and daisies grew
    on Green Grass Hill.

    I turn my gaze
    back down to you
    and everything
    returns to view.

    The paper smiles
    in shades of black.
    I'm looking down,
    and smiling back.

    An empty well...
    My eyes stay dry.
    (I can't believe
    I didn't cry.)

    I hang you up
    and walk away.
    My heart is where
    you'll always stay.




    Submitted on 2006-09-09 09:45:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Once again, i loved it. the simple rhyme scheme and noncomplex language just makes it flow soooo nicely. i have great memories of 'The Woods' and in fact 'The Log'.

    I still live right next to the woods i played in and some times walk through and reminisce.

    I loved this poem.. it had all the purity of a child. and when i read it 'I can't believe I didn't cry.'

    Wonderful write. You have a great ability to write so simply and not over complicate things, everything comes from the heart and is as it is. Makes for effortless reading and always seems to relate the reader.

    Cant wait to read some more of you writes now! haha, going to be a late night, i have a lot of catching up to do!
    | Posted on 2006-11-21 00:00:00 | by PaulHudson | [ Reply to This ]
      Just a word to say, very nice!
    PH
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Lerlim | [ Reply to This ]
      IT had a nice rhythm to it. I thought it was pretty enjoyable. Imagery ws excellent. Good job and keep writing.
    ~Caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-10-02 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      I love how simple the poem appears, yet how powerful the images it projects is.
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by causticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite good and there is nothing random or junk about it. I don't usually like especially short or long lines, but you make this work very well. I think it is helped greatly by the simple language and the clear images. You have made good use of enjambed lines, not something I find easy to do. I think you might check on some of your punctuation, caps, etc.

    Examples:
    S3L1 drop the cap
    S3L3 baby's
    S3L4 change to comma
    S4L2 change to comma
    S4L3 drop the cap

    Not trying to be fussy, but this is a very "crisp, neat, and tidy" piece of work and thereby these items seem to be more important than they might be otherwise. Really nice read, well done -crutch
    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by Crutch | [ Reply to This ]


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