Description: OK, alot of you have been saying that u dont get this poem on account of it being too short. as some noted, its shortness is to imply its secrecy. and ats its about, the second to last line should be able to tell u that. The game of predator and prey refers to abuse in da family. I may not be too good at poetry and prehaps didnt succeed in conveying this message. couldnt think of a way to do it. Sorry guys
Never Tell -------------------------------------------
I walk under a ceiling of caution
On top of a floor of broken dreams
Inside these walls of never tell
Toward a door of silent screams
I lock the door
Along with my senses and pretend
That this game of predator and prey
Isn't happening again
I'm A fan already, it's short, but it's to the point. I wanna to a collab with you, and maybe if it's okay iwith you i can make a spin off of this. Your rhyming is nice, nut to me the slow of the lasts bar is just alittle off, not much, but just a little.
Hey, thanx for the favorites addition, Don't be a stranger!
Okay I read the poem and it gave me goosebumps. That is a excellent poem. Shortness is perfect as long as you get the point out clear. You have done a wonderful job. Keep up the great work.
I think the shortness of the poem is fitting for a hush-hush topic such as abuse. The imagery (ceiling of caution and floor of broken dreams) set the right tone for the secrecy behind the door of silent screams. Powerful poetry! Sharon
I think this is just fine as it is. Very short, easy to grasp, and I can relate to that. You're walking inside your room in a broken home. But for some reason I think I've seen this before somewhere else. "On top of a floor of broken dreams" favourite line, broken dreams is a good phrase. It does end rather abruptly though. Cheers Azuire
The finish was quite abrupt, sudden. The rhyming is good and the idea is brilliant but I still think that you rushed it. There is plenty of material you can use here. But bravo on the idea.
It's an interesting concept. I think you could probably rewrite it to make it a little clearer...Some of the word choices and word placements weren't the best. I'm still a little confused by what it means and what it's about.
I was confused bu 2 lines, perhaps they are typos or maybe I'm just not reading right. They are: 1. On top o' floor of broken dreams
and 2. I lock the door Along my senses and pretend Kind of like Porcelaine said, it did also end abrubtly. It looks like it has excellent potential if you were to expand on it some more. But the words used do have a very vivid picture of someone wanting to hide.
i really like this and i hope to read more by you soon. i know how it feels to just want to shut down and not want to talk about it. i know how it feels to want to shut down and you do want to talk about it. if you ever need to talk i can be an ear. i think you need to let out whatever you are feeling because if you didnt want to talk about it you wouldnt have posted this. you are a great writer and i really hope to read more by you soon. love tina
i think that this should be a little longer, i am a little confused. maybe that is what you want since the title is never tell. but maybe you should give a little more detail about what you arnot going to tell so that the reader can emagin for themselves what they think you are talking about. also i would reread you have a double word in line6. great start. keep woking on it.
Intelligent and complex diction along with an excellent word order and a touch of style and expressionism makes this piece one of the more extraordinary works I have read on this site.
Submission Name: Never Tell
