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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Never Telldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 180/107/54
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 654
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 294



    Description:
       OK, alot of you have been saying that u dont get this poem on account of it being too short. as some noted, its shortness is to imply its secrecy. and ats its about, the second to last line should be able to tell u that. The game of predator and prey refers to abuse in da family. I may not be too good at poetry and prehaps didnt succeed in conveying this message. couldnt think of a way to do it. Sorry guys


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNever Telldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I walk under a ceiling of caution
    On top of a floor of broken dreams
    Inside these walls of never tell
    Toward a door of silent screams
    I lock the door
    Along with my senses and pretend
    That this game of predator and prey
    Isn't happening again




    Submitted on 2006-09-09 12:46:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm A fan already, it's short, but it's to the point. I wanna to a collab with you, and maybe if it's okay iwith you i can make a spin off of this. Your rhyming is nice, nut to me the slow of the lasts bar is just alittle off, not much, but just a little.
    Hey, thanx for the favorites addition, Don't be a stranger!
    | Posted on 2007-08-17 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay I read the poem and it gave me goosebumps. That is a excellent poem. Shortness is perfect as long as you get the point out clear. You have done a wonderful job. Keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2007-08-01 00:00:00 | by PrettyHeart | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the shortness of the poem is fitting for a hush-hush topic such as abuse. The imagery (ceiling of caution and floor of broken dreams) set the right tone for the secrecy behind the door of silent screams. Powerful poetry! Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-03-11 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is just fine as it is. Very short, easy to grasp, and I can relate to that. You're walking inside your room in a broken home. But for some reason I think I've seen this before somewhere else.
    "On top of a floor of broken dreams" favourite line, broken dreams is a good phrase.
    It does end rather abruptly though.
    Cheers
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      The finish was quite abrupt, sudden. The rhyming is good and the idea is brilliant but I still think that you rushed it. There is plenty of material you can use here. But bravo on the idea.
    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      It's an interesting concept. I think you could probably rewrite it to make it a little clearer...Some of the word choices and word placements weren't the best. I'm still a little confused by what it means and what it's about.
    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by Lessa Solarem | [ Reply to This ]
      I was confused bu 2 lines, perhaps they are typos or maybe I'm just not reading right. They are:
    1. On top o' floor of broken dreams

    and
    2. I lock the door
    Along my senses and pretend
    Kind of like Porcelaine said, it did also end abrubtly. It looks like it has excellent potential if you were to expand on it some more. But the words used do have a very vivid picture of someone wanting to hide.
    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by brich2929 | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this and i hope to read more by you soon. i know how it feels to just want to shut down and not want to talk about it. i know how it feels to want to shut down and you do want to talk about it. if you ever need to talk i can be an ear. i think you need to let out whatever you are feeling because if you didnt want to talk about it you wouldnt have posted this. you are a great writer and i really hope to read more by you soon.
    love
    tina
    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think that this should be a little longer, i am a little confused. maybe that is what you want since the title is never tell. but maybe you should give a little more detail about what you arnot going to tell so that the reader can emagin for themselves what they think you are talking about. also i would reread you have a double word in line6. great start. keep woking on it.
    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      Intelligent and complex diction along with an excellent word order and a touch of style and expressionism makes this piece one of the more extraordinary works I have read on this site.
    | Posted on 2007-01-07 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]


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