Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Becoming Wrath


Author: The Forsaken
Elite Ratio:    8 - 14 /4 /3
Words: 167
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1076
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1219



Description:




Becoming Wrath



Hush now..
Don't say a word
Remain in silence..
Absorb my essence
Secure me within
Nourish me with animosity
Sate me with malignity

Hush now..
Don't say a word
Remain in silence..
Haven't you heard?
With me inside
With me intensified
The silence will be heard

Every mistake they make
Every tear you shed
Every wound that bled
All the vicious words they say
We will absorb them
Hold me inside longer still
We can make them pay

It's almost time now
to be complete, for my coming
When you wake me
your heart will turn to stone
When I embrace you
Your blood shall run cold
They better hide, It's my time now

Hush now..
Don't say a word
Remain in silence..
Haven't you heard?
We made them pay
Slew them all
Chased their lives away

Hush now..
Don't you cry
Remain in silence..
Don't ask why
I came with a price..
For releasing me
You had to die




Submitted on 2006-09-09 18:33:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  ...

Wow...
Dont know what else to say. Its a beautiful piece.
It has the right depth of emotion and keeps the reader focused and wanting more.
The way some of the parts is repeated cause great effect, and the whole piece has meaning between the lines all the way from start to the end.

You have a gift for writing ;-)


-Kwanying-
| Posted on 2011-03-16 00:00:00 | by Kwanying | [ Reply to This ]
  A completely jaw dropping song, purely for the fact of the powerfuly message it contains.

"Hush now..
Don't you cry
Remain in silence..
Don't ask why
I came with a price..
For releasing me
You had to die"

This whole piece made me think of a thrashing metal song, exploding with harsh guitars and screaming vocals, leaving the listener with a sense of foreboding. The last section that I have included in this comment made me think about the ending to the song, with a suddenly silent ending. The listener would either want to replay the song to stare into their mind, imagining the horror of being Wrath, or sit in their chairs, mouths agape.

Spectacular write, Forsaken. I really can't nitpick at this, it's so splendidly done.

---Restless
| Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  Damn!! i loved this write, it was WoW... some of my favorite parts were:

"Every mistake they make
Every tear you shed
Every wound that bled
All the vicious words they say
We will absorb them
Hold me inside longer still
We can make them pay"

the first few lines just hit me and i was like whoa ... its so deep.

"Hush now..
Don't you cry
Remain in silence..
Don't ask why
I came with a price..
For releasing me
You had to die "

this was the perfect ending! it gave it a bit of a twist which worked amazingly here!! bravo you did an outstanding job!!

Di
| Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by Diarygrl | [ Reply to This ]
  Yah I could see this. Several lines struck me, so I'm just going to paste them here. The one's that hurt...I mean hit me the most.

When you wake me
your heart will turn to stone
When I embrace you
Your blood shall run cold

These lines painted a very clear picture for me. For some reason it just struck me near to home, I'm not sure why.

Hush now..
Don't you cry
Remain in silence..
Don't ask why
I came with a price..
For releasing me
You had to die

This stanza was my favorite for some reason. I don't know, maybe it's because I can really relate to it right now. Anyways, you know I like the way you write, and that I think you're a far better writer than me. How bought that collaboration, now?!

~Lucretia~
| Posted on 2006-09-10 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



117429