The Lamentation -------------------------------------------
This morning i woke up and something hit me. Our existence is meaningless. Will people actually remember us when we die? Do people actualy really care when something happens to us? I've experinced this first hand. Some years ago I used to be a cutter and my mom walked in on me. She started beating me around the head with her belt because cut myself. She sent me to a shrink but i don't think he actually cared. I mean it didnt really help. It just made me feel worse. A few weeks later i started getting suicidal tendencies. I was scared to tell my mom about this, because I was afraid she'd hit me again. Days on end I would spend locked up in my room afraid of going outside. Depression hit me and I wouldn't talk to anyne except for th people that would really listen. For that I want to say thank you.
Now i will comment on this. Our existance is meaningless yes. sadly i agree. but something you dont relize hun. What does it matter. for instance to you i am just a bunch of words on a cold flat screen what i say means probley nothing in the long run. i may give you advice i may wish to hold you but again it means nothing.
But that shouldnt matter. Does having a meaning really matter as much. to go through life having a meaning you know you could fail at. is what i am saying even making the slightess sence? i have no idea. Love i am a cutter also i slit my wrist 5 times in the same spot. I agree with you on the shrink. i have a therapist her name is joyce i love and respect her but what she does makes me feel like [censored] i do not believe it is working. i feel like abug being examied for being a freak i hate it.
Now this you should know. Life is hard and we always tend to make it more so with all the drama we attach to ourself in hope of helping others. but understand life is what we make it. if you chose to sit around and say you have no purposer and you dont seek one out life will pass you on by with the many wounderous things we wish to expericance.
I am young hun. younger than you but as i said before i have expericaced manythings that others still have to wait for in there old age. i have suffered i have been dealt blow after blow i have tried to kill myself more times than i wish to say to you. but im still alive. i wake up knowing today was a new day to be hurt. but i still wake up. dont let others defeat you only you can bring yourself down. understand if you need me i am only a click away.
Hmm, a tough topic to write about. You've done it honestly and I think it's something you need to get off your chest... and to share it with strangers can be a complete relief... just to get it out and cleanse oneself.
And yea, it's those who listen and are there for you who are special... it's always good to know who's there for you...