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A Moment I Feel Alive

Author: od9.1.04
ASL Info:    15/f/oh
Elite Ratio:    1.68 - 18 /38 /19
Words: 114
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 699
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 718


A Moment I Feel Alive

they say it's a place
that you go when you die
a place of wonder
a world in the sky

they call it a dream
the ones in your sleep
with your eyes closed
what only you can see

they say it's a wish
anything can come true
anything is possible
all the things that you do

I say it's heaven
a place of dreams come true
the only place I want to be
where I can be with you

I say it's a place
when i look into your eyes
it's a moment of happiness
a moment I feel alive

Submitted on 2006-09-10 16:58:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I think it is very original how the whole poem you are talking about Heaven, a place o death, yet the very las line of your poem is
'a moment I feel alive'
Very unique. Just some suggestion. Actually I have tons of time. I'm going to do a stanza by stanza review. Mua ha ha. Actually I'm just goin to rewrite the poem with the changes that I tihnk should be made in it. This could include punctuation, capitals, words, lines, etc.

"They say it's a place,
you go to when you die.
A place of wonder;
A world in the sky.

They call it a dream.
A palace you visit in your sleep,
With your eyes closed;
Which only you can see.

They say it's a wish.
Can't anything come true?
Anything is possible
All the things you can do.

I say it's heaven.
A place of dreams come true.
The only place I want to be,
Up in the sky with you.

I say it's a place,
Where I look into your eyes.
It's a moment of happiness;
A moment I feel alive."

Just a few suggestions in there. Check them out and good writing. Awesome.

| Posted on 2006-09-10 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]

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