Brilliant by rememberplaydoh

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Submission Name: Brilliant dots

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Author:	rememberplaydoh
Elite Ratio:	4.22 - 68/99/51
Words:	90

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	119
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	720

Description:
Short poem, sort of in response to a comment I got about expanding my vocabulary.

Brilliant dots

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If I were brilliant...
...maybe I'd write
in much higher English
and "wow" all my readers.

If I were brilliant...
...perhaps I'd get feedback
that was more like "critique"
and less like plain comments.

If I were brilliant...
Aww, I give up!
I'm fooling myself;
it's not going to happen.

But,

If I were brilliant...
it would be the product
of writing a lot;
I'd need some more practice.

If I were brilliant....
Well...it could happen,
I just can't give up,
I guess....I'll keep writing.

Submitted on 2006-09-11 00:05:47 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
at least in the end you keep writing. i know this comment is short and it sucks,

mike :)

ok ok fine i kinda vibe with the spirit of the poem allthough it doesnt sound Dohfull at all, this must be a depressed version of the Doh i talk to. hmmm if i were going with the spirit of this poem i would say if i were a brilliant commentor perhaps i would have a place here, ha! there put a little more effort into it.

:) mikeyz :)
| Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
I like the self-deprecating humour in this-- it's good to be able to laugh at oneself... because it's, well... healthy for you lol.

There's a trade-off between good diction and conveying emotion. A wonderful vocab won't get you anywhere if you fail to connect with readers; if you use high-sounding poncy words with no real grounded emotions, you'll just look like a pretentious jerk-off. Lol, which I may well be... but ultimately, I hope there's realness to what I write. Like you should too.

To expand your diction, read read read. I bet you've heard it lots. But it's true. It's more often the lyrical sound of a word and how they all go together which makes me excited to write, and also the base idea/emotion grounding it.

Not meaning to 'lecture' you... but hey, I'm just saying you shouldn't give up and think you'll never get better. That's self-defeatist and pointless. We all get better, if we truly want it, if writing or art in general is the only thing which makes you feel truly alive.

Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2006-09-11 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
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8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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