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    dots Submission Name: surf thisdots

    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 938
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 859


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssurf thisdots

    Surf This

    Keypads, hard drives
    the new must haves consuming our lives.
    A hidden conspiracy.
    A trap that we jump into willingly.
    You can't turn off what is always on-
    line looking for something or someone
    doesn't matter who they are,
    or where they come from.

    E-Mail, hope for tail
    Turn on my cam
    God damn-it's a man-
    so I fail.
    Hit or miss, still I pursue-
    Hit me back young miss-
    I'd like to get to know you-

    Cyber Sex, within the text
    typing your hypeing,
    your bits are not byteing.
    Friday night didn't go out-
    but got on-
    something that will be around
    long after all my love is gone.


    Submitted on 2006-09-11 00:44:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "E-Mail, hope for tail
    Turn on my cam
    God damn-it's a man-
    so I fail."
    That's just hilarious. ^o^. But your poem is filled with a sarcastic truth: yeah, the internet's handy and all, but can we let it take over our lives like it has the habit of doing? The real irony here is that this issue is raised... in an online poetry forum thing. haha. Guess we are all slaves to technology, huh...
    There are some rhythmic imbalances within the poem-- for instance, I'd recommend changing "consuming" to "consume", just for the sound of it.
    And as for these lines:
    A hidden conspiracy.
    A trap that we jump into willingly.

    If I were you, I'd put

    A hidden conspiracy,
    A trap we jump to willingly.

    once again, just for syllabic reasons. But the idea, and the voice in this poem, are good. ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-09-11 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]

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