What befalls thee?

Author: ChrystalR ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126 /121 /58 Words: 77

Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed Total Views: 1330 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 531

Description:

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What befalls thee?

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... ... It was then I read the words Black ornaments of hollowness A message dark as an empty closet Whispered by silence. They spoke; We believe she is dead. In my mind, a simple thought Found its way to the labyrinth Behind the fallen moon Of hidden answers Am I dead? While unseen perhaps And unheard of The answer remains Simply hidden ...

Submitted on 2006-09-11 04:51:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

I have one problem with poems like these: This is well written from a purely verbal aspect, but because the symbols are so personal, I have no way of knowing if it’s good or bad writing. I do know it’s not good communication, which I believe should be one of the purposes of writing. Alteredlife thinks the frog is in the labyrinth. I think the labyrinth is in the mind and the frog is another, specific symbol –the prince that will waken when kissed? Perhaps a past experience with a real frog? Perhaps a symbol of unconscious metamorphosis? The unanswered questions make a critique of this difficult. Its like judging how good meal is when you can only smell it, but not taste it. fred

| Posted on 2006-11-24 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]

This is enigmatic and evocative. One part strikes me as not quite fitting: the frog. It doesn't connect with me. However, invoking the Labyrinth would lead me to suggest replacing "frog" with "bull" to make a clearer mind-association, likening a bull to the heart of the hidden question. Does that make sense? Overall, an interesting write. Concise and impactful. Peace, Jase

| Posted on 2006-09-11 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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