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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What befalls thee?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ChrystalR
    ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126/121/58
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 769
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 531



    Description:
       


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    dotsWhat befalls thee?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    ... ...


    It was then I read the words
    Black ornaments of hollowness
    A message dark as an empty closet
    Whispered by silence.

    They spoke;
    We believe she is dead.

    In my mind, a simple thought
    Found its way to the labyrinth
    Behind the fallen moon
    Of hidden answers

    Am I dead?

    While unseen perhaps
    And unheard of
    The answer remains
    Simply hidden


    ...




    Submitted on 2006-09-11 04:51:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I have one problem with poems like these: This is well written from a purely verbal aspect, but because the symbols are so personal, I have no way of knowing if itís good or bad writing. I do know itís not good communication, which I believe should be one of the purposes of writing. Alteredlife thinks the frog is in the labyrinth. I think the labyrinth is in the mind and the frog is another, specific symbol Ėthe prince that will waken when kissed? Perhaps a past experience with a real frog? Perhaps a symbol of unconscious metamorphosis?
    The unanswered questions make a critique of this difficult. Its like judging how good meal is when you can only smell it, but not taste it.
    fred
    | Posted on 2006-11-24 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      This is enigmatic and evocative. One part strikes me as not quite fitting: the frog. It doesn't connect with me. However, invoking the Labyrinth would lead me to suggest replacing "frog" with "bull" to make a clearer mind-association, likening a bull to the heart of the hidden question. Does that make sense?

    Overall, an interesting write. Concise and impactful.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-09-11 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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