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What befalls thee?

Author: ChrystalR
ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126 /121 /58
Words: 77
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1330
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 531


What befalls thee?

... ...

It was then I read the words
Black ornaments of hollowness
A message dark as an empty closet
Whispered by silence.

They spoke;
We believe she is dead.

In my mind, a simple thought
Found its way to the labyrinth
Behind the fallen moon
Of hidden answers

Am I dead?

While unseen perhaps
And unheard of
The answer remains
Simply hidden


Submitted on 2006-09-11 04:51:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I have one problem with poems like these: This is well written from a purely verbal aspect, but because the symbols are so personal, I have no way of knowing if it’s good or bad writing. I do know it’s not good communication, which I believe should be one of the purposes of writing. Alteredlife thinks the frog is in the labyrinth. I think the labyrinth is in the mind and the frog is another, specific symbol –the prince that will waken when kissed? Perhaps a past experience with a real frog? Perhaps a symbol of unconscious metamorphosis?
The unanswered questions make a critique of this difficult. Its like judging how good meal is when you can only smell it, but not taste it.
| Posted on 2006-11-24 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
  This is enigmatic and evocative. One part strikes me as not quite fitting: the frog. It doesn't connect with me. However, invoking the Labyrinth would lead me to suggest replacing "frog" with "bull" to make a clearer mind-association, likening a bull to the heart of the hidden question. Does that make sense?

Overall, an interesting write. Concise and impactful.

| Posted on 2006-09-11 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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