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It was then I read the words
Black ornaments of hollowness
A message dark as an empty closet
Whispered by silence.
We believe she is dead.
In my mind, a simple thought
Found its way to the labyrinth
Behind the fallen moon
Of hidden answers
Am I dead?
While unseen perhaps
And unheard of
The answer remains
| I have one problem with poems like these: This is well written from a purely verbal aspect, but because the symbols are so personal, I have no way of knowing if it’s good or bad writing. I do know it’s not good communication, which I believe should be one of the purposes of writing. Alteredlife thinks the frog is in the labyrinth. I think the labyrinth is in the mind and the frog is another, specific symbol –the prince that will waken when kissed? Perhaps a past experience with a real frog? Perhaps a symbol of unconscious metamorphosis?|
The unanswered questions make a critique of this difficult. Its like judging how good meal is when you can only smell it, but not taste it.
|| Posted on 2006-11-24 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ] || This is enigmatic and evocative. One part strikes me as not quite fitting: the frog. It doesn't connect with me. However, invoking the Labyrinth would lead me to suggest replacing "frog" with "bull" to make a clearer mind-association, likening a bull to the heart of the hidden question. Does that make sense? |
Overall, an interesting write. Concise and impactful.
|| Posted on 2006-09-11 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ] |