Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shattered Piecesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: In the Fire...
    ASL Info:    30/m/Orlando
    Elite Ratio:    2.13 - 46/121/63
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Love
    Total Views: 830
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 1033



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShattered Piecesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    For every time my heart breaks...

    When you see the pieces on the floor
    after my heart can take no more
    and falls out of it's place within my soul,
    look to the floor and yes, behold
    the many pieces of my heart
    after it just breaks apart
    and you will see no matter what,
    when i try to pick it up,
    there's always pieces left behind
    and some that i can never find.
    So when my heart i try to mend
    and try to fix it, in the end,
    my heart is really not complete
    because some pieces never reach
    to make my heart anew and whole,
    it's just not what it was before.
    Take heed to words, even if true,
    'cause in the end they make me blue
    and cause enough of grief so that
    i cannot keep my heart attached.
    See if it falls too many times
    there'll come a point i can't deny
    when my heart will be nothing more
    than shattered pieces on the floor.




    Submitted on 2006-09-11 18:42:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ok, i have to say whenever i read writes about "heartbreak" i get kinda bored and whatever.
    this one was good because you expanded it more and was telling us what it really meant to have a "shattered heart"
    although the rhyming wasn't perfect it didnt make a huge difference and make the write seem all funky or anything.
    i liked how you introduced it with:

    For every time my heart breaks...

    it did invite you into it.
    i also think you made the ending perfectly.


    <bleedingtears>
    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      this is gorgeous. i agree with all the others, this is a work of art. and it's true, you never get all the pieces back, once a heart has been broken, it's scarred forever. you described this perfectly.
    beautifully done,
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-10-02 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Great work? Amazing? No that's an understatement of this script... I cant find the word,but I can think of one close enough. Ongelooflik! And I'm not just saying that to make you feel good,I mean every word I type.

    Ek hoop ek is die antwoord vir jou gebed...
    (look that up)

    I made it my favourite,its my favourite favourite! lol,is that even possible? Anyway,What you did here with this script is... Indescribable. Oh you know how I feel about your scripts,don't make me go into detail!!! They're always worth reading over and over...

    Pix

    P.S
    If people really liked this script as much as they say they did,they would overlook the spelling and just appreciate... Its beautiful babie,I love it.
    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by pixie_007 | [ Reply to This ]
      i have to agree with dreamer37517 i like the part that said "there's always pieces left behind
    and some that i can never find."
    that is so true. even when you go to pick up the pieces there are always some that are not found. great work.
    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I really liked this poem. Its written really well. This is definetly an amazing peice of work.
    I especially liked:
    "there's always pieces left behind
    and some that i can never find."
    because its so true, no matter how you try to fix yourself after a heartbreak, your not really ever completely healed.
    Except for a few misspelled words in it, this couldnt be written any better. Truly some great work. :)

    Meg
    | Posted on 2006-09-11 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    117659

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    The Promise written by annie0888
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    Push written by JanePlane
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry