Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Torn & Brokendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkeveris
    ASL Info:    19/F/Someplace silent
    Elite Ratio:    2.52 - 34/62/38
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 696
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 734



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTorn & Brokendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Defiance...
    agony, diss-affection arising from blue sky
    shattering what was left of a cracked truce
    Life-full, tormentor...
    Step-sister who was supposed to be,
    Part of this fake happy family.

    Illusion...
    bonds, packs falsely made and thrown away
    Emotions burned torn and bashed apart
    Hurt-full, Liar...
    Treating family like enemy,
    living in your own corrupted world.

    Betrayal...
    soul, flesh in your game nothing is left unharmed,
    dissatisfied lust for others to suffer
    Obsessed, child...
    Ripping apart everyone worthless to you,
    one year younger sister mass murdered my life apart.




    Submitted on 2006-09-11 21:13:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the structure of this write is on point...
    like lili said..

    Defiance, Illusion and Betrayal,
    were well chosen begining tones for each stanza...The content was disappointing to hear(if there factually based..)but they were poetic and descriptively clever...

    Nice work

    Sincerely
    SINceer
    | Posted on 2006-12-04 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how you set this one up. it was knowing what each stanza was going to be about. great work. you had a lot of good imagry as well. keep them coming.
    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    117687

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry