Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forever Goodbyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vampiric Death
    Elite Ratio:    2.27 - 133/159/91
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 572



    Description:
       Sometimes you just feel like you want to give up. This is what happens when you do.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForever Goodbyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    He picks up the phone,
    puts it down.
    In her tears,
    she would drown.
    This fact he knows,
    is oh so true.
    The phone rings.
    “What should I do?”
    He knows it’s her,
    he has to think!
    Time is frozen,
    he doesn’t blink.
    He grabs the phone,
    brings it to his ear.
    From the other end:
    “Hello my dear.”
    He picks up the gun.
    it’s time to die!
    He screams in desperation:
    “I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER, GOODBYE!”
    The love of his life begins to cry.




    Submitted on 2006-09-12 08:32:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      NO! Why'd he kill himself? So very terribly sad! *tears*
    Katana
    | Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Harsh! A pretty little wreckage. I like the intensity.
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree that this is very good, but also think that you should try to add more emotion if you can. It's so very sad reading this one. At the risk of talking out of both sides of my mouth here, I also think that you did excellent at capturing one fleeting moment. Not bad though, I just would've liked to read this one with a bit more depth behind this moment and how you got to this moment.

    Candi
    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      See this was sad to me. Have you ever felt this...like you have nothing left and you just want to give it all away?

    It hurts me. I think that this maybe your best work, and I'm REALLY hoping that you continue to do what you love to do best.

    I believe that sometimes you try to censore yourself and soften it a bit so people don't think you're arrogant or anything, but I believe that with what you say, you say it for real.

    Don't ever try to soften this {censored} because, people aren't going to take it seriously if you do. Don't ever restrain yourself.

    I love it.

    *.* Twisted
    | Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by Twisted | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the rhyming scheme of the poem, but it lacks emotions. It’s a good write and it makes sense to me, but poetry is better when you add more personal emotions into them. I know you have thought about suicide before in your life so the poem being about suicide is expected. I believe that you need to add more feeling although, but other than that great poem.
    | Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by OscuraAmor | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    117734

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry