[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Forever Goodbyedots

    Author: Vampiric Death
    Elite Ratio:    2.27 - 133/159/91
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 735
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 572

       Sometimes you just feel like you want to give up. This is what happens when you do.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForever Goodbyedots

    He picks up the phone,
    puts it down.
    In her tears,
    she would drown.
    This fact he knows,
    is oh so true.
    The phone rings.
    “What should I do?”
    He knows it’s her,
    he has to think!
    Time is frozen,
    he doesn’t blink.
    He grabs the phone,
    brings it to his ear.
    From the other end:
    “Hello my dear.”
    He picks up the gun.
    it’s time to die!
    He screams in desperation:
    The love of his life begins to cry.

    Submitted on 2006-09-12 08:32:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      NO! Why'd he kill himself? So very terribly sad! *tears*
    | Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Harsh! A pretty little wreckage. I like the intensity.
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree that this is very good, but also think that you should try to add more emotion if you can. It's so very sad reading this one. At the risk of talking out of both sides of my mouth here, I also think that you did excellent at capturing one fleeting moment. Not bad though, I just would've liked to read this one with a bit more depth behind this moment and how you got to this moment.

    | Posted on 2006-10-06 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      See this was sad to me. Have you ever felt this...like you have nothing left and you just want to give it all away?

    It hurts me. I think that this maybe your best work, and I'm REALLY hoping that you continue to do what you love to do best.

    I believe that sometimes you try to censore yourself and soften it a bit so people don't think you're arrogant or anything, but I believe that with what you say, you say it for real.

    Don't ever try to soften this {censored} because, people aren't going to take it seriously if you do. Don't ever restrain yourself.

    I love it.

    *.* Twisted
    | Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by Twisted | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the rhyming scheme of the poem, but it lacks emotions. It’s a good write and it makes sense to me, but poetry is better when you add more personal emotions into them. I know you have thought about suicide before in your life so the poem being about suicide is expected. I believe that you need to add more feeling although, but other than that great poem.
    | Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by OscuraAmor | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Push written by JanePlane
    Linger written by saartha
    Wavelength written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    To written by SavedDragon
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Giving written by jjd
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]