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    dots Submission Name: Fog Clearingdots

    Author: oixi
    ASL Info:    50/M/California
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 196/243/100
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 1073
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 834

       Rhyming verse about a foggy morning

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFog Clearingdots

    Thick sweeps of blanketing mist
    Swallowing the valley in dense cover
    Blinding cloak of nature persists
    Envelops like a relentless lover

    Fog evokes intrigue and fear
    Slumbering storminess stirs the soul
    Dream of demons hidden near
    Fabricated fright from feelings foretold

    Sun lights up your insides
    Beacon of hope once the fog rises
    Haze goes while clarity abides
    Renewed revived as radiance reprises

    Imagined creatures lurking
    Vanish with a dissipating fog
    Some scheming specters smirking
    Illusion gone with the lifting bog

    Impenetrable gray shroud
    Melts away from sun shining so bright
    Sky filled with foreboding clouds
    Burns off with blossom of morning light

    Submitted on 2006-09-12 11:54:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      hm. I really loved "Sun lights up your insides
    Beacon of hope once the fog rises"... that was really nice. I dunno, something about the last line... i think it's "burns off with blossom". Even though it helps the rhythm, it's okay to break (especially in the last line! gives it extra power :3) to make it sound better and less stilted. It just doesn't sound natural, it doesn't sound like the rest of the poem. Hm. But other than that it was really gorgeous!!! You really do have a way with imagery, making it appeal to the heart more than the five senses which I, personally, find much much better <3 Keep writing!!! ~Cora
    | Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]
      Amazing work. I agree great visual affects. It takes you to a different place.
    Love and Peace,
    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by lynn7 | [ Reply to This ]
      great work. i dont feel that you had to force the rhym and it flowed really well. you had a lot of great visual efects for the mind. a job well done
    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]

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