hm. I really loved "Sun lights up your insides Beacon of hope once the fog rises"... that was really nice. I dunno, something about the last line... i think it's "burns off with blossom". Even though it helps the rhythm, it's okay to break (especially in the last line! gives it extra power :3) to make it sound better and less stilted. It just doesn't sound natural, it doesn't sound like the rest of the poem. Hm. But other than that it was really gorgeous!!! You really do have a way with imagery, making it appeal to the heart more than the five senses which I, personally, find much much better <3 Keep writing!!! ~Cora
Submission Name: Fog Clearing
