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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Trilogy in Four Actsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 268
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 883
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2291



    Description:
       Even language falters before truth...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTrilogy in Four Actsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Preamble

    ...and everything
    I could have wished
    was sealed up sweetly
    in a kiss...

    she seemed
    immersed in jokes
    so insular they'd
    pass for x-rays

    and yet this
    awkward, stumbling
    phase possesses
    certain larval charms

    the love chant
    of the blinded owl
    the pure trill
    of a flightless bird;

    darkness
    that the world
    has blessed



    Porous Glory

    And you, sweet
    seething perfectionist,
    straddling chasms
    of incompletion, whirlwinds
    nestled in your gut;
    can only whisper 'treason,'
    clasp the centuries
    in each, tight fist
    and bludgeon sweet
    nostalgia with a club.
    That is the essence
    of the journey, freedom
    from the warm sentiment
    of hope, as facts retrace
    the chalk outline
    of a soft, immaterial love.

    ...the muse is a mirror
    whose fickle image
    I'd rather not explore...



    Babbler's Chant

    I used to be a star
    I used to be a planet
    I used to be the Ninth Imam
    of Uzbekistan, poised
    to invade Peru

    Now I'm feebly
    debating Fidel's first cousin
    in a Jersey crackhouse,
    toothless as a worm

    Where did the years go?
    Kind sir, could you
    spare a dollar?

    I've sworn off meat
    to fondle whores-
    Pardon? How's your mother?



    Propheteer

    Kind Submissionary,
    good sir:
    We enjoy your work
    immensely,
    we just don't like it

    Please accept these
    steaming piles
    of insincere
    complementaria
    emblazoned on this
    emblem of our
    condescension

    Yours truly,
    editorius imperfectus

    ...beauteous is the eye
    of the beholder...




    Submitted on 2006-09-12 20:06:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ok, now i may just be some dumb blonde, but it was difficult for me to read all that at once. Not because it wasn't good, just beacause it was too long and the style changes threw me off.

    the four individual poems are very good (the first is my favorite), but i feel that ifyou submitted them all seperatly they would be even better. Four different poems, with different styles and subjects on the same page is difficult (for me, maybe not everyone) to read and comment on.

    These are very good writes that bleed talent like a stomach wound, they're just hard to comprehend all at once.

    have a nice evening,
    -Kate
    | Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      Hola Bill.

    Even language falters before truth...

    Yes... it does. Otherwise, we wouldn't stay as poets. We would evolve into politicians... and taxi drivers... and acrobats. We're poetic enough.

    This faith that we have... its a difficult kind isn't it? We're like lighthouses riding a boat. Just a few hours ago, I told Jaydee we don't write to be beautiful... we write because we are. But then again...

    Hmm.

    Anyway... back here, there is this politician... well actually... a senator who is really brilliant. But after she got cheated out of the 90s election she seemed to have lost her mind. She started making these ribald comments in public, reacting violently in her privilege speeches, threatening to stage a coup de etat and turning her house into a one-womaned fort, etc.

    Most people find her funny; spreading green cellphone jokes and all that.

    But sometimes, I pity her. She is this bright woman in a world of actors-turned-presidents and boxers-turned-mayors... and... well... they don't even know what the constitution is.

    My professor said she doesn't belong in this world... that she deserved something better.

    I know poets who feel like that some times.

    Anyway, your piece is good. It was deliciously playful with a very revolver-like effect.

    Really... good job. As always.
    | Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      First, I love the title. Having played three beats over four, the subdivision seems just right. But I have the impression these are superimposed and over-lapping one another in importance.

    And Preamble tells me how blindly we go through life, which itself is an act of faith. Knowing is a clue but doesn't really put us in the moment, now does it? Some great images and yes I even see how blind love is in this section.

    Porous Glory is a crack up! How we choose to impose our standards on another is quite evident here, and when others impose theirson us, how crazy we become. Truth is relative here. It is "that which has not yet been disproven".
    I love the irony of this because as an artist you have chosen to wrestle the demons of your own perfection in the safest arena,
    the poem itself. As the musician does, or the painter. I see how this ties into the last section.

    In Babbler's Chant I see what goes up must come down. Where one is poised on the wheel of fortune makes no difference. What goes up must come down and that will never change. Becoming too attached to the outcome only breeds contempt when the fall descends. Does your mother know you write these?

    Propheteer is priceless. How we compromise ourselves for the love of money is so absurd. And more disgusting is how we follow the ambitions of the obsessive compulsive idiot who designs our work for us. Oh yes, the big bosses have an answer and it is no where near logic.

    So why am I dreaming I am a writer? Because you're around shaking the cages and I love that you do.

    I've got to fave this one and it belongs in your chapbook too.
    Yum, I'm full for now, but keep writing..

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Quite thoroughly fantastic. I suppose that the thoughts would start with the title. I enjoyed the title, as I do most, if not all paradoxical, clever, and otherwise witty titles, and there is a certain charm conveyed through the contradiction.

    Preamble begins the poem nicely, setting the tone in a pensive, though wildly so, manner. I appreciate most the second stanza, which I believe sums up the attitude of the, if I am not mistaken, woman or girl within the piece. If I had to make an assumption, I would guess that your first love was reluctant, perhaps awkward, stumbling, though you did grow through it, thus the 'larval charms' exuded by the 'love,' if you would call it that. I thought that the last stanza within Preamble also ends well the fantastic beginning to the four part trilogy.

    Porous Glory, which I have to give a hand upon its own, because I love the title, yet again, is a good divergence from Preamble, though arguably, it is nearly a continuation. 'Soft, immaterial love' seems to be the focus of each section, though perhaps the point of Porous Glory is to display conciousness of the transparency of the relationship. Also, were this following a life cycle, this is the portion of the cycle I live within currently, and I hold particular love for the line within section two, speaking of 'freedom from the sentiment of hope' being the 'essence of the journey,' because honestly, that is what I would characterize my recent history as.

    Babbler's Chant, as it were, seems to give new voice and meaning to the piece, though I'm not entirely certain of the significance of a Ninth Imam, nor am I entirely confident that Uzbekistan has ever planned a war upon Peru, though, I admit, within my youth I am prone to make mistakes. Perhaps it is lending validity to the title, and you are merely babbling, or maybe it is simply over my head. I thought that the second stanza within Babbler's Chant painted a nice picture of a fallen man, though whether or not that was the intention is unclear. I absolutely ADORE the two final stanzas within this section, in fact, where you to take out Babbler's Chant and simply have that as the work, I would not complain, though as a whole it is magnificent, I believe that part three is the signing moment within the piece.

    As for section four, Propheteer, I do not believe I could sympathize more with you on this. Poised upon the brink of graduation from high school, and planning a career in creative writing, I often worry about the stereotypical situation, of countless imperfect editors, never quite understanding. The twist of "Beauty is..." is not lost on me either, an excellent way to end an excellent poem.

    Till our paths should chance to cross again.

    Fade
    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by Fade ElBrunen | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I can relate to "Porous Glory" the most. In fact, I remember one of your comments to me which pretty much said what you wrote in the closing lines of this: the muse being a mirror and so forth...

    Deep cynicism... for the world at large, and for would-be poetry aficionados? (Is that how you spell that word? That one's always gotten me hrm). Anyway, that's the general gist I get from all of this. Why oh why oh why? Screw'em I say.

    And that's all I've got to say.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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