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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Holding My Breathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Briannan
    ASL Info:    20/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.59 - 123/127/49
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Misc/Angry
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1511



    Description:
       Ehh.....I wrote this a few months back....when I was really angry and I felt like the anger was holding my breath and I am still waiting for that other shoe to drop.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHolding My Breathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Inhale......deep into your lungs...now hold....one...two...three....four. Can you feel it now? The burning deep within....a longing in your cells for more air...it pulls at you and yet you continue. Five...six....seven...can't you find your way to where you once were? And yet you continue...never exhaling...always holding it deep inside of you. Until a red haze creeps over your eyes and you fall to the ground. Uselessly on the floor, gasping for breath in your unconscious state. But that is what this anger is like. a deep anger...not hate....anger. a vivid distinction burned onto the backs of my eyes. And it creeps away at the most inconvenient times. I can never say no can I? Especially when I see the apology on your face that you will never say aloud. You will never say, bri, I fucked up bad....but you will say at midnight when I complain about someone else eating my pasta salad....let's go to the store and get some more....it has always been like that...hasn't it? Never apologize. Never. Just let them know that you care and do not acknowledge their anger. It will pass....right? Wrong. It won't....so I still stand here...holding my breath...praying...and waiting...for the sweet oblivion of dark to take hold of me...and the anger to wash away as new air enters my lungs and I can finally be at peace once more....when will it happen. I don't know....maybe at 2...or maybe at 200...for now...I wait. and I hold my breath as my cells start to scream.





    Submitted on 2006-09-13 16:00:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      OK I am a bad man, I edited out some of your text because you have to many filler words, and I changed the layout a little to make it easier to read but once I did I found it to be a very compelling story

    Ok it was compelling already or I never would have taken the time to edit it and I imagine it still needs work; After all I am still learning. And I know you only asked for thoughts (am I bad or what?) I told
    you so.

    Anyway not really knowing what you were angry
    about I can only say that taking the time to think before you act is often a good idea. But after thinking some action on your part that might prevent the circumstances (some level headed response) is a good idea. Bottling up the anger forever is a bad thing. Then I guess I feel a wee bit guilty for finding your anger so entertaining. Well hereís hoping you donít stay angry at me for editing your work.

    Dale


    (talking to myself)
    Inhale......deep into your lungs...now
    hold....one...two...three....four.
    Can you feel it now? The burning deep within....
    a longing in your cells for more air...it pulls
    at you and yet you continue. Five...six....seven...
    can't you find your way to where you once were?
    And yet you continue...never exhaling...
    always holding it deep inside of you.
    Until a red haze creeps over your eyes
    you fall to the ground.

    Useless on the floor, gasping for breath
    in an unconscious state.
    But that is what this anger is
    a deep anger...not hate....anger.
    a vivid distinction burned onto the backs of eyes.
    And it creeps away at the most
    inconvenient times.

    I can never say no can I?
    when I see the apology on your face
    the one you never say aloud.
    You will never say, bri, I [censored]ed up bad....
    but you will say at midnight
    (when I complain about someone else eating my pasta salad....)
    let's go to the store and get some more!
    it has always been like that...hasn't it?
    Never apologize.
    Never.

    Just let them know that you care
    do not acknowledge their anger.
    It will pass....right?
    Wrong.

    It won't....so I still stand here...
    holding my breath...praying...and waiting...
    for sweet-dark-oblivion ...
    and the anger to wash away as..
    new air enters my lungs
    I can finally be at peace once more....
    for now...I wait.
    hold my breath
    and listen to my cells scream.



    | Posted on 2006-12-31 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]


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